Saturday, September 30, 2006


It wasn't enough that I woke at 2am to the sound of my downstair neighbor's television and her laughing. I stayed in bed for a half hour trying to get back to sleep but to no avail. I finally decided to just move myself to the couch for the night.

It wasn't enough that I woke again at 4am to the sound of cabinets banging, doors slamming and the conversation below moved to her kitchen. I laid on the couch for awhile waiting for them to subside or relocate but to no avail. I moved back to my bedroom.

It wasn't enough that I couldn't fall asleep in my bed for the noise below. Just two people downstairs, with a television on and a lively conversation, but with no consideration for those of us sleeping above. I moved back to the couch.

It wasn't enough that I woke at 6am to more noise below me in the living room. I laid on the couch, frustrated beyond belief and tried to just shut out the noise and sleep. I finally stomped twice on the living room floor trying to make a point and she finally moved her conversation back to the bedroom where her television was still on. I decided to just stay on the couch since it seemed quieter there.

It wasn't enough that I was still awake when her son's alarm clock started beeping beneath me at five after 6.

It wasn't enough that I finally decided to go down and knock on her door. She finally came out, looking at me as if she was shocked to see me. I explained that I had been up since 2 and had moved to the living room, only to be awaken there. I explained that just like the time she commented that she could hear my dog snoring at night, I could ever EVERY WORD they were saying, every sound from the television and now, I could hear her son's alarm clock. She shook her head and said her television hasn't been on, her cable is out. And she just stared at me as if I were crazy. I asked her politely if she would PLEASE keep it down.

She shut her door.

When I returned upstairs, she had turned the television off and the alarm clock off but she and her boyfriend had found my remarks to be hysterical and they had a lively conversation for awhile. With the sun starting to shine through the windows, I tried to sleep on the couch.

I finally got up at 9 and went for a walk, thinking I would just return home and take a nap when surely she must be sleeping as well. When I returned home from my walk another neighbor was having their carpets cleaned which means there's a van with some sort of vacuum system waking up and keeping up the whole neighborhood.

I have had enough.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Digital Camera Debate

I've been putting off my move to the digital camera realm mainly because I don't want to spend the money, but I only have two months left until the Big Family Cruise and I swore I would purchase a new camera before the trip (since mine is nearly dead). I've been reading over reviews and paying attention to people who seem to take great photos, but before I actually make the big purchase I thought I'd just ask if anyone has recommendations. Keep in mind, I'm NOT looking for a simple, automatic, point and shoot. I want a digital SLR with exchangeable lenses. If you have any advice or recommendations, I'd love to hear from you!!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

LM's Quiz Part 2 (With Answers!)

1. What do you put in a wooden barrel to make it lighter? (Three answers)
a. fire
b. termites
c. holes

2. Sign on a building says, "If you don't see what you want, you have come to the right place" what is the business?
An Optician's Office

3. A man jumps out of a plane without a parachute and lands on solid concrete without being harmed. How is this possible?
The plane is on the ground.

Congrats to those of you who got some of these right!!

LM's Pop Quiz (with Answers!)

This morning over breakfast LM announced he had a quiz for us (for the neighbor girl that we take to the bus and me, just in case you were wondering about that "us" part). He prefaced his quiz by saying Kindergarteners pass it easily while CEO's often fail. Good. No pressure. Feel free to post your answers in the comments and I'll come back later today with the correct answers.

P.S. If your smart-alecky fifth grader recently pulled this one on you, don't ruin it for everyone else, just tell us you already know the answers!

There are only four questions, so it won't take you long:

1. How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator?

2. How do you get a giraffe in the refrigerator?

3. There is a town meeting in the jungle, all the animals are present except one. Which one?

4. You have to cross a river in the jungle that's home to hundreds of alligators. There's no bridge, how do you get across without being eaten by alligators?

(I'm proud to say I got two of them right, but LM wasn't all that impressed.)


Here are the answers:

1. How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator? Open the door and let him in.

2. How do you get a giraffe in the refrigerator? Let the elephant out and then let the giraffe climb in.

3. There is a town meeting in the jungle, all the animals are present except one. Which one? The giraffe, of course, he's in the refrigerator!

4. You have to cross a river in the jungle that's home to hundreds of alligators. There's no bridge, how do you get across without being eaten by alligators? Swim right across. All the alligators are at the town meeting!

Don't ya love it?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Waiting for a Move

I left work with a dozen real estate listings and coordinated mappings to lead me from one house to the next. The eighth one had looked especially promising and after 7 complete let-downs I decided to call it quits after seeing the one I had specially marked. It was cute with a little yard, a covered porch in the back and a beautiful wooden door with beveled glass on the front. Cute. Very “Amy”ish. But the neighborhood isn’t particularly grand, and the town I wasn’t much impressed with (towns never seem to impress me, especially the bigger they get) and the yard wasn’t all that big and certainly wasn’t fenced or anything and the commute would be horrendous and the cost would be a stretch.

I stopped and got gas ($2.39/gallon) and drove nearly an hour back home in the fading light and wondered what I might eat when I arrived home (frozen pizza) and what I might watch on the tele (shows I had previously taped) and what it is I’m supposed to do with my life (Lord only knows). I want to move. I want to take the next step in my life but I can't seem to get the pieces to line up.

I’m feeling quite melancholy and as though my life is stuck in some sort of a rut so I’m going to take my down throw blanket and head to bed (where I’ve left the windows partially open so it’ll be great room to sleep in) and the kitties will snuggle right up and we’ll fall asleep wishing for puppies and a lawn mower and a house on an acre and all sorts of things that I don’t have the means for.

*When I published this post and it came up to view, I had mis-typed the title. It somehow seems prophetic that I typed, "Wait for a Move".

Amy's Broadcasting Company

This is just my plug for my two favorite shows this season. "Brothers and Sisters" and "Studio 60".

If ya get a chance (or have room on the ol' DVR) give 'em a go. They're worth it.

That's all. You may resume your regularly scheduled programming now.

P.S. For the (grounded) Little Man's sake, we're DVR'ing "Survivor" and "Amazing Race" so don't tell me what's happening on either one until we get all caught up. Thanks!

Oh, and if you don't have a DVR *cough* Julie *cough* GET ONE. (Bear, she could actually program the thing herself. $10 a month. Trust me, it's worth it.)

The Ongoing Saga

My blood pressure tripled last night. Another bill from the DirectTV system I do not own or subscribe to. The one I canceled 24 hours after they were unable to properly install the system. They claim I still owe them over $300 for the equipment rental fees because it was INSTALLED and you cannot cancel after installation without paying the fee. Except that it wasn’t really installed, because the DVR can’t work without a phone line.

But enough about all that.

This is just to say that only now, this morning, upon reading Bearca’s post, do I truly comprehend why I am still feeling so worked up about it all this morning. I have not had the proper venting of my frustration because, alas, I do not own cat furniture.

I will have to find another way to vent my DirectTV frustration (without, directly, involving, say the TV).

Have I mentioned that my tv screen has a slant to it now? Nothing related to the above problem other than adding to my blood pressure issues.

Note: All this said, as frustrated as I was last night during hour number TWO that I was still on the phone having a slight disagreement with DirectTV, and the subsequent hour I spent on the phone with my credit card company to start a dispute, my son proceeded to cook dinner, bring me a glass of wine, read a book and then came to cuddle with me on the couch to help make my day better. He even cheered for my fantasy football players (fruitlessly) while I was busy losing my mind over the absurdity that DirectTV refers to as “Customer Service”. I tell ya, this kid, he’s a keeper.

Also note, in the past month or two that I've posted about my ongoing issues with DirectTV I've had several people land on this site from a google search about DirectTV and yet they don't stay and read!! What are you fools thinking?!?! Want to know if DirectTV is a good option for you?! READ WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT IT!!!

K, I'm done now. Promise.

Monday, September 25, 2006

A Bear With Very Little Brain Part II

Yesterday we made soup. By "made", I mean “dumped things in a pot and hoped they came out tasty” and by “we” I mean, me, well, LM did cut up the carrots, so a small bit of “we”, and by “soup” I mean gallons and gallons of a vegetable concoction that we will be eating well into the next hundred years.

So after eating ourselves so full we could barely move (it’s no wonder those “Chunky Soup” commercials are aimed at football players! I feel like I ate like one!) I packaged up the remaining soup, allocating several containers for freezing and one for Wednesday night when we’re always in a rush to get to church activities and three small containers for lunch this week.

I headed off to the company kitchen moments ago with the anticipation of homemade vegetable beef soup only to find I had packed the leftover baked beans.

I am now eating a filet-o-fish sammich (sans le fromage) for lunch. It does taste better if you try to pronounce it all in French. I swear. Work with me here.

The Football Fantasy

It is no secret that I love football. Being a mom of one ten year old (read that “independent beyond his years”) and a meager condo, I have little else requiring my attention on the weekends than football. From college on Saturday (Notre Dame, Penn State or Michigan) to the pro’s (Patriots) on Sunday, I generally have the tv programmed to sports for the duration.

I was recently persuaded to join my company’s fantasy football league (it was a speech about building comraderie that got me) and have since learned the following:


It’s true. I watched way too much football prior to this whole league forming but now? NOW?! I am not only watching every game that’s broadcast but I am continually scouring the internet and squinting at the tv to read the stats they display for each.individual.player. I don’t care if the Giants win or lose but I need Tiki Barber to have the game of his life. Atlanta vs. New Orleans? Who would normally care? But me?! I have a huge interest in the game with Vick, Bush and two other players in the mix. It’s not enough to just cheer for my favorite team, I have to cheer against a team so that the defense I chose might stand a fighting chance.

And then there’s the picks I have to make for each week. Studying up which team is playing which team. Sure, Detroit defense has been great the first two games but how will they fare against Green Bay (and as it turns out NOT WELL – all thanks to Bear for that recommendation!) Would Ben Rothlesberger have a great game this week after the miserable loss last week (no, so thank goodness I kept him on the bench.)

I’ve gone from the girl who knew just enough to talk with the boys around the water cooler to the FANTATIC football chic who can’t stop debating about whether the Bronco defense will be one to pick up in week 4.

Thursday, September 21, 2006


Last night, LM caught me looking at a picture of this:

He shook his head and said, "Mom, what do you have against lap dogs?!"

I replied, "In this house, it's B.Y.O. Lap."

Oh, I know, I need a St. Bernard like I need a hole in the head. I just miss my boy.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Somewhere around 9 years ago, I set foot in a Homemakers Group at a church in Illinois. I had been invited by my friend, Stacy, and I was eager to get out of the house and converse with grown-ups (especially other moms). The women met on Tuesday mornings with the intention of having a speaker and then time for individual prayer groups, Bible study and a time for fellowship with each other. Other than Stacy, I knew no one and I was nervous about my rusty Bible recollection, my preferences to quiet, personal prayer, and how inadequate I felt as a mother. I thought for certain I wouldn’t be “Christian enough” for this sort of a group.

At the start of the first meeting, a woman stood up at the podium and gave a short talk, a precursor to the sort of talks we would have each week by various women and guest speakers. Karen was funny, down to earth and fallible!! She put me at ease immediately as she talked about her own everyday mistakes and I knew that I was going to like her. When we split into smaller prayer groups, I forced myself to leave Stacy’s side and go out on my own to meet new people. I followed Karen to the area she chose and it was the start of a wonderful friendship.

Karen taught me how to laugh at my own mistakes and not take life too seriously. She was raising and home schooling three children and never stood on pretenses. Want to come over for lunch? Come on over? We’re having Velveeta mac n’ cheese!! She taught me that friendship could be simple and easy and I didn’t have to try to impress her all the time or stand on formalities.

At some point during those first couple weeks of the Homemaker’s Group, Karen learned that I had once played the piano. She took my hand and drug me to the pastor’s office where she quickly introduced me saying, “She reads music!” I had no idea what I was getting into but quickly found myself signed up for the Women’s Handbell Choir. Hand what? Bells? I didn’t say I played the bells!!

If I thought the Homemaker’s Group that Stacy had introduced me to was a lifesaver, the women in the handbell choir were all that and more. It was a casual group of about 10-15 women some of whom read music, some who didn’t. Some had played the bells, some hadn’t. The requirements for the group were simple: love the bells and love God. We practiced the bells for an hour or so and then had a short Bible study lesson each week. It was a time of my life when my spiritual life grew exponentially.

The first time the handbell choir performed during the service I was beside myself with joy. I LOVED the bells. I loved making music as a team. I loved how they rang and how clear and gorgeous the notes sounded in the sanctuary.

It wasn’t long after finding all these incredible God-given friends that we chose to move to Pennsylvania. It’s been years since I’ve felt like I had a church “home” and only recently have I been regularly attending a church where I am happy with all the aspects – from Sunday School to the sermons to youth group on Wednesday nights, I think we’ve found where God wants us to be.

Last Sunday there was a note in the bulletin that there was an opening in the handbell choir. I had not heard those words since moving east and after the service I quickly sought out the music pastor and put my name in. He emailed last night to say they had filled all the regular spots but needed someone to fill in as a sub as one of the players was going to be out for awhile with back surgery. If I was interested….

Tonight at 6pm, I will pull on gloves and I will hold the bells in my hand and I will listen to their clear harmonious tones ringing out into the room.

And I will think of Karen.

Blogger won't let me post pictures, so if you don't know what a handbell choir is, click here for a picture.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Thank Goodness I have Cats

I’ll admit it, I was more perturbed that Scout was behind the tv stand playing amongst the cords than I was curious as to why. It wasn’t until just now, when I woke up from my pre-bedtime, Friday night nap on the couch that I realized she and Jonah were tag-team bug chasing around the floor. Slouched down with noses to the floor, staring intently at something in between them, I decided to see what it was they were so interested in before I headed off to bed. AND THANK HOLY MOSES THAT I DID!!! Had I not stopped to see that they were staring (and licking and pushing with their noses) a little FROG, I might have stepped on that thing (squish) in the middle (squish) of the night (squish) and would have required years of medicated therapy (squish) for Post-Traumatic Squish Disorder(PTSD)!

Now, those of you who are paying attention (and taking notes - you stalkers know who you are), you’ll remember I live on the second floor in a condo, so my explanation as to HOW IN HOLY MOSES that little frog came to find himself on my living room floor is a bit mysterious. I mean, I did move a big, happy plant inside from the deck earlier tonight so I have to think the little guy traveled in style in tropical paradise, but how he came to live in a plant that’s on a second-story deck in the first place, I will never know. I did return him to the deck where he will either be reunited with other little deck frogs, or will meet an untimely death when he hops off the edge.

All I can say is that I hope (squish) he didn’t bring along (squish) 27 of his friends and relatives (squish). At least I have Thing One and Thing Two on guard to protect me (squish).

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Festivities

Tonight was the kick-off party for the church youth group. They had a tailgating theme, where everyone wore team t-shirts and jerseys and they had a junk yard car to smash, a moon bounce, paint ball, games and food. I watched LM use the sledge hammer to smash the car and listened to his giggles as he played in the moon bounce. We both tried cotton candy for the first time (neither of us were all that impressed). And we both got in the tethered hot air balloon and rose 80 feet above the church and had a look around town. It was the same hot air balloon that sometimes flies over our house. The same one that Gabe used to freak out over. The same one that Gabe...

I miss my dog. I sat outside the moon bounce watching a couple walk around with their little pug and all I could think was "my dog could eat your dog for lunch..."

As I sat on the lawn, swatting away mosquitos, watching the hot air balloon glow rainbow color in the twilight, I was so thankful for finding this church. So grateful for an evening filled with wonder and the laughter of children. So thrilled to hear LM say over and over, "I'm having a GREAT time, Mom!" and yet I missed my dog. I know that time will help heal this wound, but for now, I'm homesick for my pooch. I wish those brown eyes were right here next to me tonight.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

My Dream Wedding

I dreamt last night that I was getting married. I was wearing a periwinkle blue dress (my favorite color but not something I imagined being wed in) and I was upset because I thought one of my bridesmaids (I have no idea who she was) looked beautiful with her hair all up in a French twist and my hair was down and “plain” but it was down because I knew my groom preferred it that way and so that’s how I would be wed.

I next remember speaking at my own reception and explaining why three wedding cakes were being brought into the room. There was the traditional wedding cake (although I don’t remember it having layers or being towered) and then there was a second for some reason (of which I cannot recall – perhaps a preference by the groom) and then the third cake was explained as tears streamed down my face. “The last cake (which was small and round, chocolate of some sort with a powdered sugar-looking icing) was the cake I was eating at the pastry shop in Iowa when I met Charlie.” I was overwhelmed in my dream at that moment of recollection, of remembering how I had met my groom and how I wanted everyone to share in that moment with us on our wedding day.

Later it seemed as though I was sitting in a room with just a few other people, but I was intently watching something on the television, a family tape of some sentimental sort, which I was very intent on seeing through even though I had a feeling that it was not the right time for me to be off on my own like this, and not the sort of thing that would be right for a crowd. George, my nephew, came in and asked if he could watch cartoons and I immediately realized where I was and that I needed to get back to the reception and said a little too assuredly, “Of course you can!” and quickly flipped the channel, much to the appreciation of some other woman in the room who had tired of watching my home movies with me.

I think, in my dream, that I actually saw my groom, Charlie, once. He was wearing his tux, all but the jacket (black pants, white shirt and black suspenders?!). He was average height, with broad, solid shoulders, a stocky man with dark brown hair, dark eyes and a dark beard or goatee (I didn’t get a good look!) He was beautiful and I had a feeling he was funny.

It’s been a long time since I thought seriously about getting married, a long time since I even seriously thought about dating again. I don’t really believe in premonitions, but perhaps it’s just something I’m supposed to give more thought to. Now, to work Iowa into my travel plans…

C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity"

Two weeks ago I picked up C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity" at the library after reading a short review of the book online. Today I am placing my order on to own this book. It is one I will not only read over and over, but one that I wish to share with anyone and everyone I know. It has not changed my faith in God, or my Christian beliefs (although it has challenged me in some areas for certain!) it has merely given me the verbage I have been lacking all of these years to explain WHY I believe what I believe in a way that goes beyond a "gut feeling" or "faith".

I encourage EVERYONE of any faith (or no faith at all) to read this book. I would be more than willing to send you my copy if you cannot get your hands on your own (the idea of sharing this book has absolutely excited me to no end, so please do not hesitate to ask for my copy!) Give it a read. Think about what Lewis says. See if it rings true to you. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. In either case I think you will walk away feeling more enlightened and educated.

If you have read it or do pick it up, please let me know! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Monday, September 11, 2006

One Nation Under God

I have written this post no less than 10 times. Emotion runs too deep for me articulate myself with honesty and with control.

9/11 should never be forgotten.

Nor should our soldiers who continue to fight a battle we have no business being in.

The death toll continues to rise as we as a nation allow our troops to continue to engage in wars in the name of venegance masked as a search for Weapons of Mass Destruction, or with the arrogant ambition of bringing democracy to other nations and cultures.

We sing "God Bless America" and then send our brothers and sisters into battle. We forbid our children to pray in school, go to court to remove the words "Under God" from our pledge, ban the ten commandments from public buildings and then BEG God to come save us from terrorists. God bless a nation full of a vengeful spirit. God bless Americans as we bomb, shoot, kill, maim and even torture people. If we believe women and children, innocent men and women have not died because of our weapons we are sadly mistaken. But God bless us anyway.

God does bless America. But we must turn our hearts towards Him. We must embrace this world He has given to us. We must LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS. We must DO UNTO OTHERS AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE TO US. We must honor our Fathers and our Mothers, including our Holy Father.

As we remember September 11, 2001, as we remember Hurricane Katrina, let us also remember our God has never left us, no matter how many times we have tried to leave Him. Let us remember He is a forgiving God. Let us remember He is not a vengeful God. Let us remember we are not worthy of His love, but He gives it to us anyway.

We were created in His image. It's about time we started to act like it.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

And Now a Word From DirectTV

Dear Amy,

DIRECTV has received your gift redemption paperwork and it is complete. Please allow up to 8 weeks from the date of this email to receive your gift.

You will receive a shipping notification email when your gift is shipped from the warehouse so that you can track delivery of your package.

We hope that you are enjoying your programming and all the benefits of being a new DIRECTV subscriber.

Best regards,

Direct Sales Gift Redemption Program

Oooh, I know, I'm going to hell. Since DirectTV decided to mail me a bill just four days after it was installed and three days after I had canceled my subscription I decided I could use the bill as required to send in for the free portable DVD player that was my "free gift with subscription". I know, it's wrong. But there's a part of me that's enjoying the irony.

Quarterly Condo Association Board Meeting

(I am not on the Board, I am a concerned resident who attended last night's meeting)

Agenda Item #1: Bike Racks
The condo board proposes purchasing 4-5 bike racks at $400 apiece to be placed near the street lamps in the neighborhood allowing bikes to be parked and stored as an alternative to storing them on patios and balconies. (It was stated by the board that bikes on patios and balconies is an eye sore).

Amy’s comment: The only bikes parked on the rack’s will be children’s and they will be vandalized and left and the grass will not be able to be mowed underneath and cars will be scratched that are parked near the bikes and it will become playground equipment instead of a storage solution. I live on the second floor, with limited storage space and I manage to haul my son's bike up and down the stairs and to house it inside my home without any problem.

Resolution: Board decides against the purchase of bike racks.

Agenda Item #2: Speed Bumps
The condo board proposes purchasing four speed bumps at the cost of $3K to be placed on the two main side roads in the neighborhood. It is noted that speed bumps may not be place on the main thoroughfare because that road is not owned by the subdivision.

Amy’s comment: The goal was to get people to slow down before they reached the areas where kids play. The main flux of children in and around the parking areas/side roads are kids on bikes and skateboards. If you put a concrete bump in the road, you are only giving them encouragement to practice their jumps and moves in the street.

Resolution: Board decides against the purchase of speed bumps.

Agenda Item #3: Trash
The condo board does not see trash as a large issue worthy of comment or decision at this time. The board proposes the topic be “tabled” for a future meeting.

(large uproar by residents)

Amy’s comment: Trash seems to actually be a HUGE concern to residents and many more residents are in violation of this rule that the board seems to realize. I would suggest that the Management Company begin to do their tours of the neighborhood on the day BEFORE trash day to see how many residents are in violation of the regulations (trash on patios, trash on balconies, etc.) rather than visiting on trash day, when all bags are neatly gathered at the curb.

Resolution: Board decides to look into the schedule and to note violations.

Agenda Item #4: Association Fee
The condo board proposes a $2/month increase in the Association Fee for 2007, making the overall increase $31 in four year’s time. The board sites the increases costs in trash pick up as the primary reason for the increase in fees.

Amy’s comment: Solve the landscaping issues (grubs, dead trees, lack of shrubs), finish painting the doors, get the developer’s rusting trailers off the property, and make the overall appearance of our neighborhood similar to how it looked when it was NEW just four short years ago and then ask me for $2 more. Show me where my money is going.

Board’s response: Sometimes you have to put money out in order to get something good back.

Amy’s response: I just saved you $3K on speed bumps, $1600 on bike racks, put that towards the total you would have received from the increase in fees ($5400) and make the improvements.

Resolution: The board proposes keeping the Association Fee at the current rate for 2007.

Whose idea was it to have quarterly meetings that were open to residents instead of one big annual fight-fest? Me. So glad I suggested it.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

A Bear With Very Little Brain

I just realized (while trying to figure out how $20 is going to get me an oil change, tire rotation and a birthday gift) that I was so obsessed with making sure I gave LM his allowance from the change the waitress brought me last night at dinner that I NEVER LEFT A TIP.

Whatever have I done with my brain? I swear I was born with one.

I will have to stop by the restaurant on my way home, hanging my head in shame and give the woman her due. I'm so ashamed.


I went back last night (while running five other errands) and stopped in. I asked the hostess if she knew who was serving in that section last night, she didn't. She asked me to describe the woman, which I did (sorta, I guess I'm bad at that sort of thing. Pray I'm never the key eye witness to a crime!) She finally decided to go get the manager, finally asking me what it was in regards to, so I told her my lame story and she said, "ooooh, that's so sweet!!" Um, yeah, okay, let's go with "sweet" rather than "early alzheimer's". While she was off to find the manager, another hostess asks me if this waitress walking towards me was her, and I said, no, but she was the bartender and so this hostess knows who the other woman must have been. This waitress continues to walk towards me so the hostess explains to her that I was looking for the other woman that was in the bar section last night (not that we normally sit in the bar but it was the first available table). I explain the situation and this waitress says, "well, we live together so I can give it to her, but we split our tips at the end of the night so it doesn't really matter anyway." I said, "I didn't want her to think she was a bad waitress, she did an excellent job. Could you see that she gets this tip?" She shrugged like maybe yes, and maybe no but took my $7 anyway. Hopefully the nice waitress will get the money and at least know she didn't do something wrong.

This Is Just to Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
I was saving
for a snack
later today.

Forgive me
they were not delicious
so mushy
and lacking flavor.

Adaptation by Amy (original poem by William Carlos Williams)

To the poor people who found this post by Googling for the original, my deepest apologies. Please do not write a short paper for your Freshman 101 class based on my adaptation!