If You Want To Hear God Laugh, Tell Him Your Plans
My senior year of college I took the GRE. I was having so much fun as an Assistant Residence Director that I wanted to continue on as a Graduate Assistant in Residential Life. Only my college didn’t offer grad courses. So I took the necessary tests, and voyaged to Osh Kosh, Wisconsin for a huge interviewing weekend for GA’s in Res Life. Trouble was I had no idea or ambition as to what I wanted to STUDY while in Grad School. I just knew that academia was a cool place from which I never wanted to leave. A perpetual student I would be. Several schools offered me GA positions, but due to my upcoming marriage, and his local job, we decided to stay put and not pursue them.
I got married the day before I graduated college and my mom passed away three short months later. Having spent the summer caring for her, I had no job waiting for me when we finally settled into married life. I substitute taught trying to get a full-time teaching position, something I desperately desired, until I found out a couple years later that we were unexpectedly expecting.
I had the incredible privilege of staying home with LM until I moved out. I was grateful for not having taught before, as it made it easier to stay home having never had two full salaries in the house to begin with. When I pursued the divorce, however, not only did I have to come to terms with ending our marriage, I had to accept the fact that it meant I could no longer be home with LM. I had to support us both. I wanted to go back to school. Ultimately, I wanted to teach college English courses. I needed my masters at the very least.
It had been more than five years since my first shot at the GRE so I studied all over again and took the test with all hopes of getting high enough verbal scores to land me at a decent school. I did. But what was even more surprising to me at the time was that my analytical skills were much much higher than my verbal. In the midst of trying to secure a GA to help fund this quest back into college, my soon-to-be ex announced that he thought juggling school and a child was too much for me to handle, and he wanted full custody. Then and there I ended my dream of going to Grad school.
The funny part to me is I’m so glad I didn’t go. Teaching college English would have required me to play the tenure game; to get published routinely and in all the right places. To move about from university to college and back again until I was able to settle into a “home” that I would then work at for the rest of my life. I would never have been happy. Or so I would guess.
When I was married, I wanted a houseful of kids. Five was the number I spoke often, much to the dismay of my then husband. Now I know that had we actually had more than one, maybe not five, but even two or three, I don’t know how I would have gotten to where I am. There would be still younger ones at home, I wouldn’t be able to take this new job without paying half my salary to child care. As much as I hold out hope that more kids will come into our lives in some manner, right now today I see how having one has made more things possible.
My analytical side, shockingly well demonstrated on the GRE, has finally turned inward. I have finally taken a good long look at the forest and I have seen exactly why certain trees were planted, and why some died. I have finally realized that this life might be my own, but ultimately, it is lived harmoniously when I allow God to take the wheel. Let go, Let God. I’ve heard it, but I’m just now seeing it in my own life.
I am already looking ahead to 2006 and making my list of resolutions. They almost always say the same things. Lose weight, stop swearing, save more money, blah, blah, blah. My analytical side, however has decided the best approach is to simply let God lead. Great things have happened over the last few months since I have turned things over. This woman on a mission, empowered by God, has gotten a great grip on her finances, changed jobs and negotiated a raise in salary!
One of these days, I know that God will open my heart and my life to a new relationship. One that never would have been possible if I had stayed with my ex and played the game, shutting out my heart. I will allow God to work on that plan, and to bring that person in when we are both ready for each other. I trust that He knows far better than I do what “type” of man is best for me!
As 2006 draws near, I look forward to starting my new job, on continuing to work towards the financial goals I have set for myself. I look forward to the challenges and joys that will come as a parent this year and all the lessons LM will teach me. Most of all, I look forward to the revelations of all that God has in store for us.
Let Go, Let God.
P.S. If you haven’t read, The Five People You Meet In Heaven I urge you to do so. No one in our lives is insignificant. And perspective on life is sometimes all we need to glimpse heaven. (For those who prefer not to actually READ, it's also a movie.)
P.P.S. G is back home from his trip to my dad’s. My package is waiting at the post office for him tomorrow. I begged him not to open it at work but to wait until evening. I’ll let you know how the album goes over.
I got married the day before I graduated college and my mom passed away three short months later. Having spent the summer caring for her, I had no job waiting for me when we finally settled into married life. I substitute taught trying to get a full-time teaching position, something I desperately desired, until I found out a couple years later that we were unexpectedly expecting.
I had the incredible privilege of staying home with LM until I moved out. I was grateful for not having taught before, as it made it easier to stay home having never had two full salaries in the house to begin with. When I pursued the divorce, however, not only did I have to come to terms with ending our marriage, I had to accept the fact that it meant I could no longer be home with LM. I had to support us both. I wanted to go back to school. Ultimately, I wanted to teach college English courses. I needed my masters at the very least.
It had been more than five years since my first shot at the GRE so I studied all over again and took the test with all hopes of getting high enough verbal scores to land me at a decent school. I did. But what was even more surprising to me at the time was that my analytical skills were much much higher than my verbal. In the midst of trying to secure a GA to help fund this quest back into college, my soon-to-be ex announced that he thought juggling school and a child was too much for me to handle, and he wanted full custody. Then and there I ended my dream of going to Grad school.
The funny part to me is I’m so glad I didn’t go. Teaching college English would have required me to play the tenure game; to get published routinely and in all the right places. To move about from university to college and back again until I was able to settle into a “home” that I would then work at for the rest of my life. I would never have been happy. Or so I would guess.
When I was married, I wanted a houseful of kids. Five was the number I spoke often, much to the dismay of my then husband. Now I know that had we actually had more than one, maybe not five, but even two or three, I don’t know how I would have gotten to where I am. There would be still younger ones at home, I wouldn’t be able to take this new job without paying half my salary to child care. As much as I hold out hope that more kids will come into our lives in some manner, right now today I see how having one has made more things possible.
My analytical side, shockingly well demonstrated on the GRE, has finally turned inward. I have finally taken a good long look at the forest and I have seen exactly why certain trees were planted, and why some died. I have finally realized that this life might be my own, but ultimately, it is lived harmoniously when I allow God to take the wheel. Let go, Let God. I’ve heard it, but I’m just now seeing it in my own life.
I am already looking ahead to 2006 and making my list of resolutions. They almost always say the same things. Lose weight, stop swearing, save more money, blah, blah, blah. My analytical side, however has decided the best approach is to simply let God lead. Great things have happened over the last few months since I have turned things over. This woman on a mission, empowered by God, has gotten a great grip on her finances, changed jobs and negotiated a raise in salary!
One of these days, I know that God will open my heart and my life to a new relationship. One that never would have been possible if I had stayed with my ex and played the game, shutting out my heart. I will allow God to work on that plan, and to bring that person in when we are both ready for each other. I trust that He knows far better than I do what “type” of man is best for me!
As 2006 draws near, I look forward to starting my new job, on continuing to work towards the financial goals I have set for myself. I look forward to the challenges and joys that will come as a parent this year and all the lessons LM will teach me. Most of all, I look forward to the revelations of all that God has in store for us.
Let Go, Let God.
P.S. If you haven’t read, The Five People You Meet In Heaven I urge you to do so. No one in our lives is insignificant. And perspective on life is sometimes all we need to glimpse heaven. (For those who prefer not to actually READ, it's also a movie.)
P.P.S. G is back home from his trip to my dad’s. My package is waiting at the post office for him tomorrow. I begged him not to open it at work but to wait until evening. I’ll let you know how the album goes over.
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