Heartbreak Part II
I have often felt that an answer to prayer needs to come with a “what to do now” booklet. The breeder we got Gabe from referred me to several people looking for a mastiff. One was a family in Indiana who already has one mastiff they have taken in as a rescue dog. I sent them an email with information about our situation, detailing the positives as well as the challenges of Gabe. The father emailed me back almost immediately with information about his family, his home, the dog they currently have and one they had to give up to a rescue years ago. Four kids, 9 acres of property and a mastiff they already adore, I knew this was a great match for what Gabe needs.
But the difficulty was having to talk with LM. I didn’t feel like I could go pick him up on Saturday and bring him home like everything was fine and then suddenly tell him that this was an option. I felt like he has ownership of this decision and he needs to know where matters stand before he comes home and sees his dog.
I spoke with my ex first, and he talked with his mom (where LM is currently staying) and then she and I talked out of earshot of LM so that she might understand the situation and could provide support for LM once we finished talking about it. I called LM a couple hours later. I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to be strong and reassuring but I sobbed. And he sobbed. And while I truly feel like this is the best decision we can make for Gabe it didn’t make it hurt any less.
And I told LM it’s just like when I let him go to his grandparents for the summer. It isn’t because I don’t love him, quite the contrary. It’s because I love him that I let him go. I know he will have a great time. I know he will be loved and have fun and learn new things. And for this same reason, I feel like we need to let Gabe go. We need to let him go where he can be happiest. I explained that it didn’t mean we wouldn’t miss him, but we had to look beyond the pain we feel and make a decision that is best for the dog. He wasn’t able to say much but at one point, in between sobs, he said, “I want to do what is best for Gabe.”
I assured him I wouldn’t make a decision without him. And that I wouldn’t do anything he was uncomfortable with. I told him to think about it, pray about it and see how his heart felt in the morning. That I would call and talk with him again and then we’d decide what to tell this family.
Some days I just don’t know how to love without causing pain. I don’t know how to let go of a dog that I love, and I don’t know how to make a decision that I know will hurt my son. But I also know that we need to do something about the situation we’re in and that perhaps in the long run, we’ll all be better for it. Perhaps.
Sure hurts like hell right now, though. And Gabe hates it when I cry.
But the difficulty was having to talk with LM. I didn’t feel like I could go pick him up on Saturday and bring him home like everything was fine and then suddenly tell him that this was an option. I felt like he has ownership of this decision and he needs to know where matters stand before he comes home and sees his dog.
I spoke with my ex first, and he talked with his mom (where LM is currently staying) and then she and I talked out of earshot of LM so that she might understand the situation and could provide support for LM once we finished talking about it. I called LM a couple hours later. I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to be strong and reassuring but I sobbed. And he sobbed. And while I truly feel like this is the best decision we can make for Gabe it didn’t make it hurt any less.
And I told LM it’s just like when I let him go to his grandparents for the summer. It isn’t because I don’t love him, quite the contrary. It’s because I love him that I let him go. I know he will have a great time. I know he will be loved and have fun and learn new things. And for this same reason, I feel like we need to let Gabe go. We need to let him go where he can be happiest. I explained that it didn’t mean we wouldn’t miss him, but we had to look beyond the pain we feel and make a decision that is best for the dog. He wasn’t able to say much but at one point, in between sobs, he said, “I want to do what is best for Gabe.”
I assured him I wouldn’t make a decision without him. And that I wouldn’t do anything he was uncomfortable with. I told him to think about it, pray about it and see how his heart felt in the morning. That I would call and talk with him again and then we’d decide what to tell this family.
Some days I just don’t know how to love without causing pain. I don’t know how to let go of a dog that I love, and I don’t know how to make a decision that I know will hurt my son. But I also know that we need to do something about the situation we’re in and that perhaps in the long run, we’ll all be better for it. Perhaps.
Sure hurts like hell right now, though. And Gabe hates it when I cry.
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