What I Have Learned During My Job Search

1. "Dear ElizaJane: Thank you for your interest in employment as a Widget Finder at our company. A search committee has been established and will be reviewing resumes and selecting qualified candidates to interview. If your resume meets the established criteria, you will be contacted by the search committee to initiate the next steps in our recruitment process. Should you not hear from us, your resume will be retained for two months to be considered for future vacancies." actually means, "Dear ElizaJane: Thanks so much for wasting your time sending us your resume and carefully crafted cover letter. While we appreciate your interest in the job you are overqualified for at our company, there is no way you will ever be interviewed because the President's daughter's friend's neice's pet turtle has already been granted the position and we are simply going through the motions. Should you not hear from us, be delighted that your mailbox was not inundated with yet another 'you suck' letter as we chose instead to simply shred your ridiculous resume after spending much time laughing at the way you made filing seem so important. Best wishes for your life stuck in the most mundane job in the world."

2. Suggesting to a company in your cover letter that you will be coming to Michigan within the next month and could schedule an interview during that time frame will not increase your chances of getting said interview despite pardoning the company from paying for the trip.

3. Despite agonizing over every word and character in your resume and cover letter, the admin in charge of your rejection letter can still erroneously address it to: Mr. ElizaJane.

4. Despite a degree in Elementary Education and four years in event planning experience, you can still fail to receive so much as a phone call regarding a position planning events in local schools.

5. Do not expect any special consideration when applying for a position to a company where you know the man in charge relocated from the midwest to Michigan for exactly the same reasons you are (as stated in your cover letter). He will not be sympathetic at all.

6. The ease of sending out resumes and cover letters electronically also translates into the speed with which you may be rejected. 24 hours is apparently plenty of time for some companies to give thorough consideration to your applicable skills and experience and deem them unworthy.

7. For all those days when you wished aloud that the mail would bring something other than bills, months of rejection letters will make you quickly recant that statement and beg for something from Verizon.

8. Recognizing that your current job needs to change no matter if you relocate to Michigan or not, expanding your search to include local PA jobs will only double the number of times you are rejected.

Sigh. I'm trying to keep an open attitude, giving consideration to graduate school, and other opportunities here, in case this is God's plan for us. If nothing else, I've at least learned how to have thicker skin!