Sunday, December 14, 2008

LM's computer, the only computer we've had in this house for very nearly a year, is ancient and tired.  It takes no less than 40 minutes to completely boot and might take longer yet if you want to utilize messenger or check email.  It's a lesson in patience each and every time you wish to turn it on and I have more than once threatened its very existence with a sledge hammer only to be stopped by the gentle but honest reminder from LM that "this is all we've got."

We have a standing joke in this house.  As the ancient beast boots, it will often display a balloon advising us that the flash drive, memory card, printer or other device plugged into the USB port "could perform faster" if only it were plugged into a faster USB port.  

We find this little balloon to be the comic relief in all of the boot up agony.  Of course this device could perform faster.  Duh.  So I find it necessary to revise the latter part of the balloon statement at each start up.  Anything, everything would be faster than the computer we're using.  

"This device could perform faster...."

".... if only it were plugged into an iceburg."

".... if only it were plugged into a rock."

"...if only it were plugged into a coffee table."

"....if only it were dropped into the ocean and left to rot for ten years."

and so forth.

It's this small little attempt at humor that truly keeps us sane and prevents us from bashing our heads into this tiny keyboard each and every time we wish to use this machine.

Today, LM told me he's actually hoping to get a faster USB port for Christmas.  I found this fascinating.  "Isn't that like putting chrome tires  on a pinto?" I asked.  After explaining what a Pinto was, he suggested in might just be that futile indeed, but he thought it was worth a shot.  

I laughed and said I wondered if it would perform faster if it was plugged into a Crystal Skull.  (Another running joke:  when we watched Indiana Jones (which I do NOT recommend at all. Indiana Jones and aliens do NOT belong in the same movie) he saw the crystal skull and said, "Man, I do NOT want that thing for Christmas, it's kind of creepy with it's glowing eyes."  And so, of course, ever since, I've done nothing else but tease that he is getting one for Christmas.)

I do wish I could be there when he opens his Christmas gift with his dad to find a new laptop.

But I will be here on Friday when we open MINE together.

FIVE MORE DAYS people.  FIVE MORE DAYS.

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