The Party

LM's birthday is at the beginning of May. Knowing he will probably like to invite two classmates over for a sleep-over/bowling/pizza party like he did last year, I started looking at the calendar. I have bell choir in church the one weekend, making Sunday morning a VERY early morning (too early for an after-sleep-over morning!) and the next Mom weekend we may have company here. If we put it off until the end of the month, it's Memorial Day weekend and I suspect the kids won't be available for a party then.

I IM'ed my ex to talk about options, namely to see if I could swap a Saturday night so I could have him on a different weekend.

J misunderstood my request and said they would be happy to host a birthday sleep-over...

I took a breath and then explained my actual request.

He said that was fine, too, just to let him know, but if LM wanted to have his party that weekend, he could always do it at his dad's.

I said I would talk to LM about his options and let him know tomorrow.

Most mothers are busy with the cake, the party invitations, the schedule for the actual party, getting a great gift, favors for all the party attendees...

Me? I'm busy trying to explain to my ex husband how his homosexual lifestyle might impair his son's desire to invite friends over to the house. I never thought the preparations for my son's birthday would include carefully crafting my wording to my ex husband so as to not insult him, while still supporting my son's choice to NOT reveal his dad's homosexuality to his peers.

How do I get my ex to look at the situation through an 11 year old boy's eyes and realize there is no way LM is comfortable enough with my ex husband and his male, live-in partner, to invite over his best friends for his birthday?




How did this ever get to be my life?

Comments

Jen said…
I was just thinking this week about how things in our lives turn out. We never really know what might be coming our way, the good and the bad. I'm so thankful though, that I know who's ultimately in control. His ways (and timing) are perfect whether we know it or not. Good luck with this situation.
Anonymous said…
I wish your son could be strong enough to NOT be embarrassed about his fathers orientations. It's sad that kids tease, but your son has nothing to be ashamed of. The way I see it, he should think of it as having two dads. Wow! TWO guys to play sports with, etc. Unless they are of the "limp wrist" variety and don't do the whole sports thing.

I know that your ex being gay conflicts with your Christian beliefs, but be very careful that you are not breeding seeds of intolerance in your son. Intolerance generates hate.

God still loves him and his gay partner.
Amy said…
I have always demonstrated love towards my ex husband, and have expected the same from my son (which he freely gives). I do not, however support his lifestyle and have not hidden that fact from my son, either. LM can choose for himself his belief on the subject as he matures, but for now, I will teach him that while God loves his dad, He does not love his father's choices. Neither do I.
Mig said…
I think when you accept yourself (as your husband has accepted himself) you forget that others might, while they love you, have a hard time explaining the situation to others no matter what age.

For example. I went to business school with a girl that I became friends with really fast. She invited me to sleep over. She had been talking to me for weeks about her Dad and her Uncle. I, never though a thing about it.

Until we were sitting in her car about to go into her house when she turned to me and felt she had to explain something.

She blurted out that her Uncle was not her Uncle and that her Dad was gay. It was a tough moment for her and she made me swear ALWAYS that I wouldn't tell anyone at school. Of coures I wouldn't, I'm not like that.

We were 19. It's a tough road for LM and for you.

But it's only through life expereince we grow. LM will figure out the right way and the when to share it.

Until then it's up to you to help him navigate through it.

God bless you!
Emily said…
Umm... I think the best thing is that you just don't explain it. You can easily side step it -- otherwise poor LM is going to be stuck having an awkward conversation with his dad that he's probably too young to truly engage in.

My thoughts: Just tell your ex that your sorry for the mix up, but you're super excited about throwing the party for LM and was just hoping to switch weekends.

Best of luck!
Katrina said…
Wow, that is tough, and I know you want very much to work through the situation with the least amount of embarrassment, hurt feelings, and dicomfort for all involved, because that's just the kind of compassionate person you are, Amy. I'm sure that whatever words you choose will be the right ones.

If it were me (non-confrontational to the core), I'd probably just go with UC's suggestion of sidestepping it and saving that conversation for some time when I can't get around it, or when LM is old enough to talk to his dad about it himself.

But it's not me, it's you, and whatever way you go, I'm sure it will work out in the end, because of all the love in your family.
SlushTurtle said…
Oh my... I'm sure you will do fine!
Anonymous said…
i'm with undercover. act like you meant to change weekends and don't look back!

surely there won't be further in depth conversation about it.
Lisa said…
I agree with the undercover act. I think it's awfully hard to make a child comes to grips with something he should really not have to for many years yet. And I in no way see it as breeding seeds of intolerance in the next generation. I think you are handling it beautifully.

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