What Gorilla Said...

Gorillabuns wrote a great post about single parenting. (Go ahead read it, I’ll wait….) First off, I wanted to say thanks for the shout out she threw my way - I’m flattered. Secondly, I’d like to say, I don’t deserve accolades for doing anything spectacular at all. Yes, I am a single mom, but to be completely honest, I really have a pretty cushy job. I know several single moms who have a tough row to hoe. More than one child, children still young enough to be physically demanding, no help from an ex, juggling two jobs to pay the rent, they deserve high praise in my book for making it work. There are even married parents out there that I know, who are raising children all on their own. With uncooperative or absentee second parents, they struggle like a single parent but with the live-in burden of someone completely useless. They, too, deserve a shout out. Me? No, not so much. I have one child. He’s 10 going on 35 and as independent and mature as they come. Sure, he has his moments but for the most part, he’s a really good kid. He helps around the house far more than he hinders. He does a chore every day that he’s home, which really helps ease my work load around the house. His dad is involved and faithfully contributes through child support. He chips in when there are trumpet lessons, orthodontist bills and the like without complaint. I have a job, and while it isn’t something that I’m passionate about, it more than pays the bills, affording us a very nice, new home to live in. We drive a sensible, late model car that is rarely in the shop.

I don’t want to sound at all unappreciative of someone who team parents recognizing some of the challenges that come to singles, but there are perks, too, and I try to keep my focus on the good stuff in this life!! For example, some of us single parents:
1. get every other weekend ‘off’ from parenting. Sometimes we even get an evening off during the week, too!
2. don’t have to compromise on our parenting technique or standards. If I believe grounding him for a week is ample punishment, then so be it, that’s the punishment. If I want to serve oreos as “brain food” when he works on his homework, then so be it.
3. don’t have to visit relatives we don’t even like on the holidays. We only have an obligation to one side of the family (mine!). Other than transporting the Little Man back so he can visit the outlaws, I don’t have to spend time with family that is not my own.
4. get a huge break on our taxes. Between claiming the child, being head of household and itemizing the interest on my house, I barely pay anything to the feds.
5. never have to hear, “but Dad said…” In my house, it’s my voice that governs, not the ex’s. It doesn’t matter what his father told him, I set the rules here.
6. with primary custody, I get more of those moments with LM that just take my breath away. Whether it’s finally having a breakthrough on his math homework, or mastering a tough piece for the trumpet, I’m the one who is usually there to witness the accomplishment. That also means I get first dibs on hugs!
7. without another adult in the house, LM gets my undivided attention (except when football is on!) I feel very in tune with LM’s life, both physically (how much did he eat today, how fast did he grow out of those jeans) to emotionally (what was the fight about at school with his best friend) and spiritually (this week he and I had a long talk after church about what “idols” are and how they are in our lives even if we don’t have a golden calf that we pray to!)
8. meals are quick, easy and well received. Macaroni and cheese from a box for the fourth night in a row? Hooray! I’m Mom of the Year!
9. feel like being spontaneous? A trip to the park, off to the movies, or dinner out? Go right ahead, there’s no one to contradict you or spoil the fun.
10. there seems to me to be a special bond that I have with my son because we are a team. Don’t get me wrong, I believe sincerely that parents are to be parents not peers or best friends, but we recognize that we have to rely on each other and I think LM is more conscious of all that I do for his sake and I’m conscious of the ways he helps me out, too. It’s a really cool deal.

I’m not trying to promote single-parenting or to suggest that I think it’s the best option. I just think I’ve got a pretty good situation all things considered and so while I recognize the many who don’t have it as easy, I just wanted to point out some of the ways we have an edge on the married folks!

Thanks, again, Gorilla. You’re a very cool mom, even if you’re not single!

Comments

Peter N said…
Illumimating, considering I've been engaged once (10 years ago) but never married. I am in awe. Have a great Tuesday..there will ACTUALLY be baseball tonight, although I don't know where you find the time....your friend Peter, the blog guy.
Anonymous said…
i'm packing my husband's things right now!

ahahahaha! or not - he kills all the stink bugs AND plays more street hockey than I will ever care to. :)
Katrina said…
A great mom is a great mom, single or married. And you, Amy, are a great mom. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us; your obvious love for LM overflows and spills everywhere, getting some on everyone who reads you!

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