Condiment Quandary
Again, a conversation I cannot quite explain but for different reasons altogether.
For the past five years since our separation, my ex husband has shared custody of our son with a typical every-other-weekend and one-night-a week arrangement. This conversation went EXACTLY like this: A voicemail was left from my ex while I was out walking the dog. All he said was, “hey, I have a question for you about Jacob, can you give me a call as soon as you get in?” Thinking it’s quite important, I call.
Me: “Hey – got your message, everything okay?”
Ex: “Hey – sorry to bug ya, I just wanted to know, does Jacob eat Hellman’s or Miracle Whip?”
Me: (pausing long enough to let him listen to his question and try to get him to realize we WERE married for 8 years and our son is now NINE years old, and I’m sure that overnight his mayonnaise preferences haven’t changed dramatically – but, he still awaits my answer.) “I buy Miracle Whip. But… Jacob eats mayo at the deli, and was at your folks’ all summer, so I think perhaps he’d eat about any kind.”
Ex: “Okay, so Miracle Whip. Do you buy the Lite or the Fat-Free or just the Regular?”
Me: (Okay, I did NOT think this question could get worse. I mean, seriously, he is so concerned about his son’s preference in mayo that he called his ex wife on a Tuesday night to ask?! I think, I’d just ask the kid – but hey, that’s just me.) “Whatever is on sale, I guess. I don’t think it matters.”
Ex: “Oh, okay, great. THANKS!!”
This conversation is really just one in a series. I have received at least two other thematically-related calls in the last couple of years, one about Jacob’s preference in syrup and one about what Caesar dressing he’d like.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking, he’s not actually calling about mayo. Maybe he just wants to talk to me, the mayo (syrup, dressing) is just an excuse. Silly, silly, blogmates. If you really think this is at all remotely true, please refer to my Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo blog to better understand how I am NOT my ex’s type and he’s certainly not looking to reconcile.
Now, can someone pass the mayo?
For the past five years since our separation, my ex husband has shared custody of our son with a typical every-other-weekend and one-night-a week arrangement. This conversation went EXACTLY like this: A voicemail was left from my ex while I was out walking the dog. All he said was, “hey, I have a question for you about Jacob, can you give me a call as soon as you get in?” Thinking it’s quite important, I call.
Me: “Hey – got your message, everything okay?”
Ex: “Hey – sorry to bug ya, I just wanted to know, does Jacob eat Hellman’s or Miracle Whip?”
Me: (pausing long enough to let him listen to his question and try to get him to realize we WERE married for 8 years and our son is now NINE years old, and I’m sure that overnight his mayonnaise preferences haven’t changed dramatically – but, he still awaits my answer.) “I buy Miracle Whip. But… Jacob eats mayo at the deli, and was at your folks’ all summer, so I think perhaps he’d eat about any kind.”
Ex: “Okay, so Miracle Whip. Do you buy the Lite or the Fat-Free or just the Regular?”
Me: (Okay, I did NOT think this question could get worse. I mean, seriously, he is so concerned about his son’s preference in mayo that he called his ex wife on a Tuesday night to ask?! I think, I’d just ask the kid – but hey, that’s just me.) “Whatever is on sale, I guess. I don’t think it matters.”
Ex: “Oh, okay, great. THANKS!!”
This conversation is really just one in a series. I have received at least two other thematically-related calls in the last couple of years, one about Jacob’s preference in syrup and one about what Caesar dressing he’d like.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking, he’s not actually calling about mayo. Maybe he just wants to talk to me, the mayo (syrup, dressing) is just an excuse. Silly, silly, blogmates. If you really think this is at all remotely true, please refer to my Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo blog to better understand how I am NOT my ex’s type and he’s certainly not looking to reconcile.
Now, can someone pass the mayo?
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