Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Do You...

...know how much it meant to me that you dropped everything to come keep me company even after I said no, stay home, even after I reminded you I'd be miserable company, you still came.

...know how sweet it was that you brought me flowers, gave me a huge hug and asked so many times how I was - really - ?

...know how much I appreciated the gentleness and tenderness that you treated me with when my heart was breaking?

...know how touched I was that you sat and played poker with a reluctant risk-taker, and a horrible bluffer when you could have been home enjoying the games?

...know how wonderful it was for me to see the Rentals? To hug them both and hear their giggles when LM read them Cat in the Hat with an English accent?

...know how nice it was when you cooked dinner?

...know how much I absolutely love the jersey, even though it somehow feels inappropriate to accept it now? My favorite boy on my favorite team.

...know how much I worry that you're doing all this to win me back?

...really believe me when I say I care about you but I can't date you now?

...understand why?

...think we can really be just friends or is the only end to this a broken heart and bitter feelings?

...know how scared I am of becoming 'that girl'? The one who takes advantage, who has no regard for the feelings and desires of the other, the one who will take in all the kindnesses without seeing or addressing the underlying message?

...know how relationships got so complicated in the first place?

...know that I do care - so much, in fact, that all of this worries me and makes me think I should close the door, even if you insist on leaving it open?