That Sort of Day

I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. It wasn’t so much just a simple reluctance to come to work again with nothing to do. It felt more like the sort of day where I want to pull on my favorite blue t-shirt and slip my comfortable faded black sweatshirt over the top, (even though, or perhaps even because, they don’t match), to put on a pair of sweats and never leave my house kind of a day.

But, I do that nearly every weekend. So why did I need it today?

I got up and took the dog out and checked my email and thought about calling out from work, but I realized there was nothing at home that was going to delight me any differently today than it would on a typical Saturday, so what was the point?

As I drove to work I realized that what I really wanted was to linger around and do nothing with someone. I really wanted to call up a friend and go for a long lunch, or to lay on the couch and watch back to back movies with someone snuggled next to me, or even to just sit with a little child and play. I wanted a slow, easy, comfortable day, but I wanted it shared.

I have pottery class tonight and I honestly don’t want to go. I don’t want to go hear about how good Charlie used to be and about how he has people begging him to make him something (even though he only just last week at the tail end of class completely a single pot). I don’t want to go and struggle with getting my blasted walls to come up again. I don’t want to endure my instructor telling me how to make god-awful mugs that I wouldn’t be caught dead with. I want to sit and do something that feels familiar, to laugh, to cry to just be, but to be with someone.

I used to go over to my friend Suzan’s house. More than 8 years ago now. We used to play gin rummy by all the wrong rules (we thought we were doing it right!) We would laugh and talk and play cards for hours. We talked about topics that were deeply serious and topics that had no relevance to life at all. And all of it was good for my soul.

That’s the sort of evening I need.

Funny thing is, I don’t have a single person of that sort in my life anymore with which to do such things. My relationships now all seem to be centered around something, not just carefree like they were back when. I have work friends, I have hang-out-at-the-bar friends, I have friends I could go to dinner with on the weekend, but who live too far to just get together for a bit after work. My family is all at least 10 hours away from me. I have great friends that I could hang out with, if only we didn’t live 4 states away from each other.

I didn’t grow up in PA, I didn’t go to high school or college in PA, my family didn’t live in PA, and until about 6 years ago, I had never even held a job in PA. How is it that given such circumstances, people make casual but lasting friendships? Or why is it that I can have such superficial relationships now, but nothing that delves any deeper? Nothing that cuts to the chase and gets to the point so we can just exist without pretenses?

I don’t want to invite someone over that I feel like I need to a) clean, b) cook or even c) shower before they arrive. I want to just have people in my life that can stop by unannounced and we can have a ball together doing nothing. Is that possible as an adult? Do people actually do this? Am I just dreaming about wanting to be on Friends?

Sigh. I guess it’s just that sort of day.

Anyone up for a game of gin?