Wednesday, January 09, 2013

For the Last Time

When you've been counting down the days since something like 83 to go, it seems impossible that we are down to one so soon. For the last time, I kissed WG goodnight at the back door and told him to travel safely home. For the last time I picked up my house, loaded my dishwasher and turned off my lights. For the last time he texted to say he was "at the other house" safely. I have spent my last day in the classroom being called Miss Jane. I have made my last decision without regard to how it impacts two other people. I have transferred money and paid bills from accounts with only one name on it for the last time. I have signed my maiden name for the last time. I will fall asleep tonight in the middle of the bed for the last time (he hopes!).

I am also done attending events alone. I am done being a third at a card table without a fourth. I will not travel on vacation by myself again. I will not be left to make major life decisions without the help of another opinion. I will have someone's hand to hold when the movie gets scary, when we walk with the dog, or when my tears start to roll. I will have someone to make me laugh when I am taking life, or myself, too seriously. I will have someone to be angry for me when I feel unjustly accused or mistreated. I will have someone to congratulate me, celebrate and cheer me on when I triumph.

I will have someone to turn to and say, "Can you believe he...." After leaving a get-together. I will have someone else who can pick up the necessary ingredients to get dinner going when I am running late. I will have a co-conspirator when I plot evil ways to get even with the teenager for his latest prank. I will have someone to whisper my fears to in the dark as we lie in bed.

More importantly than I may have realized the first time around, I will have someone to sit beside me in church. Someone who thinks I am beautiful. Someone who will gladly have Nerf wars with Flash, but will also tell him to put his cell phone away at dinner. I will have a true partner; a friend who knows all my secrets, all my regrets, all my fears and loves me anyway. I will have a problem-solver, a snowblower-operator, an amazing cook, a comedian, (a terrible grammarian).

Tonight, for the last time, I am alone. Tomorrow we wed. For the last time.

1 comment:

Hillary said...

Oh this post makes me so happy! What a contrast to the post you did a while ago (possibly a long time ago) about always being the single one in a crowd of couples. This is such a wonderful answer to that post and that feeling! I'm so happy for you! :)