Sunday, July 22, 2012

Unexpected

All week I had been asking friends about Fisher and some potential red flags. "He never asks me questions," I said. "His sister and her family don't just live in the basement, they share his kitchen and bathroom.". While I enjoyed his company, there were little things nagging at me that kept me hesitant. Thursday evening he came over for dinner. We had a good time, but again, he talked and didn't seem too interested in things about my life. By evening's end, it was pretty clear that he had read my invitation to dinner at home as an invitation for far more than that. I knew I was far far FAR from ready for that and politely ended the night.

When my sister asked how it went the next day, I replied, "I think I just miss WG. Maybe I am not ready to do this yet." I found myself thinking about WG a lot, wishing we had been able to find common ground and make each other happy.

Part way through my day on Friday, I received an email from WG, as though he was reading my mind. He said he left something at my door, and if I was willing, he would like to stop back by when I was home to talk. There were flowers at my door when I arrived home, and shortly after, WG sat on my deck sharing his apology with me.

We have been down this road several times. It's like we know it SHOULD work, but we just can't seem to make it work. We are quick to hold affection for fear of it not being returned. We are quick to take each other for granted and not show our appreciation. We are fearful people, trying to figure out how to successfully date in our 40's, and I will freely admit, we seem to prefer to learn it the hard way.

We went for a drive and dinner at the lake yesterday. It was wonderful to be with someone familiar, someone I feel safe with, someone who knows it's all about the crab cakes at Black River Tavern and having the top down on the backroad journey there. Someone who asked about school, about Flash and about my garden. Someone who held my hand as we walked the peer and kissed me sweetly goodnight at evening's end.

Maybe it is just those simple comforts that attracts us both right now. Maybe it is the familiar, the safeness, the known that makes it work for the moment. I just hope, whatever it is, that we can figure out how to make that last. How to get past a week, a month or a year, and still be going strong.

Tonight, I am invited to dinner at WG's, a treat I will not pass up. I will take it a day at a time, but I will keep an eye on the past, that I don't repeat it, and take glances at the future to try to keep us on track to get there.

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