A Typical Errand Run with Flash

Walking to the car in the garage (try to follow in your best English accent):

Flash: "Okay, so this is how it's going to go down. You're going to stay in the car and Sam and I are going in. When we get back out gun it."

Me: "Sam? You're taking Sam? After the last time?"

Flash: "What's wrong with Sam?"

Me: "I don't have time to list all the things wrong with Sam. But after the last time, I thought we agreed, no more Sam."

Flash: "But he's good with a gun!"

Me: "Sam? Good with a gun? That's precisely the problem! Sam isn't good with a gun at all!"

Flash: "I didn't say a real gun. I gave him a pellet gun this time."

Me: "How is a pellet gun going to help us?"

Flash: "Well, Sam doesn't actually have to shoot anybody, he just has to look as though he might."

Me: "Yes, this is exactly what we told Sam to do last time. Have you forgotten about the last time?"

Flash: "Of course I haven't forgotten. Have you forgotten what it was like before we had Sam?"

After getting movies, and returning to our car:

Flash: "Okay, you're right, Sam was a bad idea."

Me: "How many times are we going to have to go through this? I don't want Sam involved. Everytime we use Sam we come out empty handed!"

Flash: "It wasn't Sam's fault this time!"

Me: "Wasn't Sam's fault?! He stood right in the doorway under the video surveillance with his pellet gun and threatened the cashier! How is that NOT Sam's fault?"

Flash: "Okay, he's not exactly perfect, but you have to admit, he's pretty good for a dog."

Me: "Unless there's a squirrel or cat - just like last time."

Flash: "Well, yes, we know this about Sam. But the jobs that don't involve squirrels or cats are surely better with Sam involved."

Me: "Except you just can't predict which jobs might involve a squirrel or cat."

After getting snacks at the grocery store, Flash returns to the car, saying:

Flash: "Go! Hurry! They're on my tail! Like literally, for Sam!"

Me: "But you didn't get what we came for!"

Flash: "Yes I did, it's right here in my hand!"

Me: "I didn't say get Fluff, I said, 'get the STUFF!'"

Flash: "They didn't have stuff, so I got fluff! Besides, it's cheap and we're on a budget!"

Me: "We're not on a budget! We're trying to steal from them! We don't want Fluff! We needed the stuff!"

Flash: "It was either Fluff or jail, fluff or jail, I like Fluff. Besides, you know what Sam's like in jail..."


and so it goes. Each and every time we head to the car lately. I tell you, who has conversations like this with their teen?! (And why oh why do I?!)