Loss for Words

Lately, I find myself at a loss for words.  I stumbled through my answer the first few times I was asked but even now, I'm not quite sure how to answer the question.

When asked about my son, I've always been able to answer so very proudly, "He is in fourth grade, he's playing the trumpet in band.  He still loves reading!" or, "He's in middle school.  He's actually taking high school level classes!" or "He's a junior at Central. He also attends the math and science high school as well" or even, "He's a senior at State, majoring in Computer Science Engineering.  He already has a great job lined up for after graduation!" Every time, I was able to speak to the amazing potential in this boy.  Even when he was struggling through Calculus in high school, he was still taking classes at a more difficult level.  Now, when asked about my amazing boy, any answer I respond with seems less than accurate, diminishing almost.  "He is living and working near Lansing" or "He is working for a software company near State." Nothing that I come up with conveys the same potential, the same accomplishment, the same level of work he is putting into life. 

I expect this is true of most parents and this stage of life with their grown children, but I'm at a loss for an answer.  While I understand that having a job upon graduation is still a blessing that most will recognize, my pride in his accomplishments is far greater than just that he is employed.  The fact of the matter is, I want to brag on his behalf, I want to express how wonderful it is for his hard work, especially in college, to pay off handsomely at this point in his young adult life!  To make matters worse, I expect this is the same answer I will be giving for a number of years now.  So soon, the accomplishment of a job upon graduation will wear off and at best he will come off as a twenty-something living and working in his field.  Yip.Dee. 

When I think about my own life, and what my dad must say when people ask about his kids, "Oh, Amy?  She's still teaching.  She and her husband have a small hobby farm. They are doing well."  Yip.Dee. indeed.

Perhaps it's because when asked, the expected answer is based in accomplishments.  As we age, those "accomplishments" often include having a career that pays the bills and raising a family.  But in truth, people doing both of those things could be vastly different in terms of happiness.  Isn't it happiness that we really want to use as a measure of "success"? 

So how awkward will it be when someone asks about Jacob and I go on and on, gushing about how happy he is?  Won't people assume I'm hiding something?  Or that his accomplishments don't add up to squat, so I'm rambling on about how grounded, and level-headed and responsible he is instead?  Probably.  Or there might still be the follow-up questions that imply I avoided the question, "Yes, but what is he doing?" or "How is his job going?" Not that those aren't valid questions, but again, I think his success is measured by far more than the programming he does for a software company.  At least it does in my book.

So, if you want to know how Jacob is doing nowadays, just ask.  You'll likely get an earful as I boast about what an amazing man he has turned into.  But if you want to know about his job, well, you might just have to ask him yourself.

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