So I've been seeing this boy.
Oh, what. You wanted details before now? Yeah, well, tough.
We haven't really been seeing each other on any official terms, except that we're, well, seeing each other. There's just complications and whatnot that prevent me from declaring it official. But let's just say that for non-daters? We're really good at dating.
So, this boy, Scratch. (my affectionate term for the boy who seems to perfect the art when we shoot pool together), well, he and I have been hanging out and spending time with the boy and all and well, last night he invited me over to watch a movie. I made sure Flash was okay with that and headed over.
Whenever I'm out of the house, Flash likes to check in from time to time. Just to let me know he's doing fine (no alien invasions at the house) and I think, more importantly, to keep tabs on when I'm coming home (so the music gets turned down and off and he appears to be in bed studying upon my arrival).
In any case, while at Scratch's last evening, Flash sent me a text letting me know he was still doing fine. I sent a text back letting him know we had decided upon watching a sci-fi movie, "Blade Runner", one I thought I remembered Flash talking about before.
Shortly after the text I sent, comes a response from Flash, "You'll hate the movie. It's not your type at all."
Now, let me interject with this: do not for one minute think I had lost my senses and was actually going to subject myself to watching some sci-fi movie like "Blade Runner". You all know me far better than that! I simply knew that the choice of movie didn't matter in the least as I was probably going to spend much of the movie-watching time finding out if Scratch was a good kisser or not, and so the actual movie choice didn't matter to me in the slightest. But, I shared it with Flash thinking at least he might enjoy the fact that on some level, his mom had HEARD "Blade Runner", but I digress...ahem...
About a half hour into the kiss-a-thon, I mean, movie-thon, I get another text from Flash. "Did you get to the part where he gives the rooftop soliloquy yet?"
Now, I have objections to this message in particular for some very specific reasons: a) use of the word 'soliloquy' should be outlawed in text messages as a violation of "presumptuous, pompous arrogance misuse of a word"; b) I've already mentioned that I wasn't exactly watching the movie, so now there's that dilemma and c) if my date can't understand the meaning of the text, my child ought not to be permitted to send it.
I held up my phone to Scratch. "Um, have we gotten to this part of the movie yet?" I asked, realizing that he had seen as little as I had on this particular occasion, but hoping his prior knowledge might at least allow me to send a reasonable response back.
"Just say yes," was Scratch's definitive answer. I'm not altogether certain if that was his response to the text, or the overall philosophy for the evening together, but again, digression...
In either case, his answer turned out to be a bad one.
"I thought the soliloquy was at the end, Mom," was the reply a few very short moments later.
Um, yeah. So, few things suck worse than realizing that you're 38 years old and you've been totally busted by your teenager for making out when you were supposedly watching a movie.
I blame it all on Scratch. As it turns out, he is a remarkably good kisser.
So I blame him. That and the complete misuse of big vocabulary words in text messages.