Saturday, May 23, 2009

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Sixteen years ago yesterday, I was married on a beautiful Saturday morning outside the chapel on the grounds of the college we would graduate from the following day. The birds sang, my mother and the people we loved dearly were all present. It was an inexpensive, gorgeous moment.

Eight years ago today, the judge officially declared our marriage over. I had moved out many months before that and someone new, a very male someone new, had moved in with my ex not long after that. It wasn't quite how I had envisioned things turning out, but it's how the story goes.

Tomorrow then marks the day I will start being divorced longer than I was married. It's like when you notice you've been driving for longer than you haven't. Or that you've had your married name for longer than your maiden. It's not really of significance other than being a reflecting point.

How do I feel about all these days bundled up together? Contemplative. But more importantly: forgiven.

And to celebrate that forgiveness, to realize the lessons I learned through some painful processes, to give recognition to God that while He does not bring turmoil into my life, He will use it to bring me closer to Him, I do believe I will celebrate this evening by dancing.

I thought my marriage would last forever. I thought I would never have a gay ex-husband. I thought I would have a few more children. I thought, even after my divorce that I would remarry within a few short years. I thought that by now I'd have someone to go dancing with me. But God's plan has certainly brought me much closer to Him. And I look forward to His plan for me in my future!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


Katrina said...

As someone who has also felt the shaping hand of God in her life's upheavals, I praise Him for what He's doing in your life (and mine!)

Enjoy your dance, beautiful blog friend!

stacy said...

His grace is amazing, isn't it? i can also testify to the blessings that God has brought about in my life inspite of and through my stubborn waywardness.

praising God for your testimony, your faith, and the incredible blessing i have in you as a friend.

Betsy said...

Wow,Amy. Those gay ex husbands and the years that follow the disclosure can be excruciating. But I am glad you are at peace.