A Matter of Grace

My brother called last night. It caught me off guard. I haven't spoken to G in more than a month and had not programmed his new number into my phone so I didn't realize who was calling before I had already answered.

We didn't talk. I made some excuse, I told a lie, and I got off the phone as quickly as I had answered.

We've had a falling out. A major one. With details far too intimate to discuss on a blog. And the truth is, I haven't gotten past it. I think I've actually forgiven him for his trespasses against me, to be honest. The problem I have, the hostility I continue to feel, is more for the way I feel he is currently still taking advantage of family. For his lack of appreciation. For his arrogance that with all the generosity that has been afforded him (despite the major issues) he is unwilling to do the small things asked of him.

And so there is silence.

I cannot listen to his chipper voice tell me about his job, his golf, his friends. I cannot respond with the appropriate "mmhmm's" or "really?"'s when all I want to do is scream.

I know this is my burden. I know it is my heart that has to bend. I know that I have to learn to love him again, as he is. But I get hung up. I get angry at his arrogance, his disrespect, his lack of appreciation, in particular for all that my dad is doing for him.



But a voice, in the back of my head is whispering. Is reminding. Is nudging.



How arrogant, how disrespectful, how unappreciative am I at times, perhaps most of the time, of my Father's generosity, of His grace? How often is God frustrated with me for my complete lack of obedience, lack of gratitude for all that He does for me?

When I call, does God tell me He is just sitting down to dinner and will call me back?



Grace is receiving something you don't deserve. A gift. It's not a reward, it's not something you could ever earn. It has to be undeserved in order to be grace. My dad is demonstrating grace to my brother.

My Father is demonstrating grace to me.



When will I learn how to demonstrate it to my own brother?

Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.