For the First Time

It's selfish, I admit. But on most occasions when I miss my mother, I wish she could be back here with me, if only for a short while. I don't wish her to be here suffering from cancer. I don't wish her back if it means being in pain. But I wish her back. I want to introduce her to LM, to Birdy to George. I'd like to talk with her, hear her laugh, feel her hug.

Incomprehensibly, today marks the fifteenth anniversary of her death. Fifteen years. It can feel like yesterday and a lifetime ago all in the same blink.

But for the first time, the only time, that I've longed for her companionship like this, I don't wish her back. Ever since my grandmother joined my mother in heaven this past January, I can only imagine the joy that abounds between the two. Finally reunited, physically healed, the laughter, the joy, the peace, must know no bounds. How could I ever wish that away from my mother?

For as much as I have missed my mom, I know she has missed hers. And her mother has longed to see her daughter again, just as I know my mom longs to see her children again - down the road.

Today, I celebrate that reunion in heaven. And I look forward to the day when I can join both of them in heaven, never to be apart again.