Saturday, March 05, 2011

He's Not My Type

I remember arguing about the song, years ago with a friend. It struck such a disonant chord with me and he was surprised by my reaction.

I like blue eyes, hers are green
Not like the woman of my dreams
And her hair's not quite as long as I had planned

Maybe it's because I've never been quite enough for the man in my life. I was far from the right "type" for my husband, and even since, some other woman has always won over me. I know I'll never be "perfect" for anyone, but I always wanted to be "perfectly suited" somehow - to truly be the thing someone has dreamt of. So this song has always bothered me.

Five foot three isn't tall
She's not the girl I pictured at all
In those paint by number fantasies I've had

My argument, that day with my friend, was that if I were the woman this song was written about, I would always be insecure- I would always think that when a woman who DID fit his dreams came along, he would leave. Ahh, Fear of Abandonment, how you rear your ugly head in my life! My friend was truly appalled. He tried, whole-heartedly to explain, to make me see the point of the song -

So it took me by complete surprise
When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
She's not at all what I was looking for
She's more

At the time, I just shook my head and we agreed to disagree on this one. I've heard the song many times since and I've turned the station. I don't want to hear it. It rubs me very much the wrong way.

But this morning, listening to the rain fall outside my window, I had to laugh at myself.

He's not much taller than I am at all. In heels I have him beat.
He doesn't have a goatee.
He is always checking to make sure I am okay, that he hasn't offended me in any way.
It isn't his shoulders or his teeth that I find particularly sexy (what?! teeth can too be sexy!)
His grammar can make me shudder.
He's self-conscious, self-depricating (I know, Pot, meet Kettle.)
He is nice, quite nearly to a fault.

All things that don't fit my "paint by number fantasies." And yet, he's so much more. He isn't at all what I had pictured in my mind, but my heart recognizes how skewed that mental picture was. I told him last night how genuine he seems to me to be. He is real. He isn't perfect, doesn't pretend to be and doesn't expect me to be.

No, it wasn't at first sight
But the moment I looked twice
I saw the woman I was born to love
Her laughter fills my soul
And when I hold her I don't wanna let go
When it comes to her I can't get enough

He might not match what I thought my "type" of man was exactly, but he far exceeds my wildest dreams.

More than I dreamed of
More than any man deserves
I couldn't ask for more
Than a love like hers

1 comment:

Hillary said...

SQUEEEE! I'm love love LOVING these posts, Amy! I'm so hopeful for you and Mister! :)