INFJ (If this means something to you, skip this whole blog!)
Writing about Love Languages reminded me of how much I learned when I did the Myers-Briggs Personality Typing. I don't really believe people fit "categorically" into categories but I do think it's insightful to know why people do what they do.
I took the MB test when I was in college, as part of our Resident Assistant training. More than just learning if you're an introvert or an extrovert, the test helped me to understand my staff and why some of us wanted to stick tightly to an agenda at meetings and others seemed to always be off on a tangent. Basically, in another "short but long" explanation, MB determines four personality types within 4 groups.
I/E The first is Introvert/Extrovert and is determined by where you find energy, not whether or not you are shy. If you are around a lot of people and find yourself energized, odds are you're an extrovert. If you're exhausted after a party, and want some down time, you're probably an introvert.
N/S The next set is to determine whether you are intuitive or sensory (denoted by an "N" or "S" respectively). If you wanted to re-arrange your bedroom can you do it in your head, or do you need to physically move the furniture? Can you tell how someone feels just by a "gut" feeling or do you need physical or audible signals?
F/T The third classification is whether you tend to be a "Feeler" or a "Thinker". Pretty self-explanatory, are you emotional or rational is really the question, or at least, what are you MOSTLY?
J/P The last category is a Judger/Perceiver, which is a bit deceiving by title. I like to describe Judgers as those who constantly want to narrow the options and Perceivers as those who always want to broaden them.
I can best illustrate the last category with a little anecdote from my past. My ex husband is a "Perceiver - always broadening his options. I am a "Judger" always trying to narrow the field. During our college years, there was an ice cream shop that classmates and local frequented. Kind of like a Cold Stone Creamery, Whitey's was privately owned and was the coolest place on earth. Any concoction you could dream up, they would make for you. Do you want a snickers malt with strawberry ice cream and chocolate chips TOPPED with a banana split? Okay!
Each time we'd go, I would walk in the door and order my "usual" - a small triple-berry yogurt with homemade vanilla yogurt and fresh raspberries, strawberries and blueberries blended before my very eyes. My ex would still be deciding when I was long since done eating. He would think and wonder and suggest and then ask what I thought and wonder aloud what this or that might taste like. The poor high school kids behind the counter would keep offering to help him, whenever he was ready, he was just never ready!!
One night, when we were there, shortly after we took the MB test and I was all full of great personality-type information, he was standing at the counter as befuddled as always over what to order when I said, "This is all because of your P-ness!" which, as you might understand, caused quite a stir behind the counter!
All things considered, however, I learned from all of this why some people are constantly late, why some people cannot "imagine" the outcome, why some people will keep offering suggestions when you Just.Want.Them.To.Decide!!! I quickly learned that my husband really didn't care where we went for dinner, but I often did so I would just speak up.
I am an INFJ, which is no surprise at all if you know me. I would much rather spend time alone than with huge groups night after night. I can tell you the room would look much better if there was a plant on top of the bookshelf. I react to most situations with my heart before my head and I am absolutely totally a narrower when it comes to choices (tell me what restaurant we're going to and I can probably tell you what I'm eating long before we even get there!)
Maybe with all of my interest in learning about people, I should have become a shrink. I do think it has gone a long way in helping me to know what sort of person I could live the rest of my life with, however. My ex was such a "P" that it drove me insane. I wanted him to have an opinion, to feel passionately about SOMETHING and to be decisive. He isn't and he never will be. I also know that someone who wants to be out and active and hanging out with other people more often than not will wear me out. I like my solitude. I like to see people, sure, but then I want to go home. I'm sure I could handle a man who can't picture in his head the bedroom furniture until I have it all laid out for him, but I realize I need someone who at least teeters on the border between thinker/feeler or he'll never deal with my emotions well at all.
So take all this, add in the Love Languages, stir up a bit of family dysfuntion, pour in a large amount of "how you were raised", sprinkle in some "experiences better off forgotten" and you'll have a great idea how and why the people around you tick!
I took the MB test when I was in college, as part of our Resident Assistant training. More than just learning if you're an introvert or an extrovert, the test helped me to understand my staff and why some of us wanted to stick tightly to an agenda at meetings and others seemed to always be off on a tangent. Basically, in another "short but long" explanation, MB determines four personality types within 4 groups.
I/E The first is Introvert/Extrovert and is determined by where you find energy, not whether or not you are shy. If you are around a lot of people and find yourself energized, odds are you're an extrovert. If you're exhausted after a party, and want some down time, you're probably an introvert.
N/S The next set is to determine whether you are intuitive or sensory (denoted by an "N" or "S" respectively). If you wanted to re-arrange your bedroom can you do it in your head, or do you need to physically move the furniture? Can you tell how someone feels just by a "gut" feeling or do you need physical or audible signals?
F/T The third classification is whether you tend to be a "Feeler" or a "Thinker". Pretty self-explanatory, are you emotional or rational is really the question, or at least, what are you MOSTLY?
J/P The last category is a Judger/Perceiver, which is a bit deceiving by title. I like to describe Judgers as those who constantly want to narrow the options and Perceivers as those who always want to broaden them.
I can best illustrate the last category with a little anecdote from my past. My ex husband is a "Perceiver - always broadening his options. I am a "Judger" always trying to narrow the field. During our college years, there was an ice cream shop that classmates and local frequented. Kind of like a Cold Stone Creamery, Whitey's was privately owned and was the coolest place on earth. Any concoction you could dream up, they would make for you. Do you want a snickers malt with strawberry ice cream and chocolate chips TOPPED with a banana split? Okay!
Each time we'd go, I would walk in the door and order my "usual" - a small triple-berry yogurt with homemade vanilla yogurt and fresh raspberries, strawberries and blueberries blended before my very eyes. My ex would still be deciding when I was long since done eating. He would think and wonder and suggest and then ask what I thought and wonder aloud what this or that might taste like. The poor high school kids behind the counter would keep offering to help him, whenever he was ready, he was just never ready!!
One night, when we were there, shortly after we took the MB test and I was all full of great personality-type information, he was standing at the counter as befuddled as always over what to order when I said, "This is all because of your P-ness!" which, as you might understand, caused quite a stir behind the counter!
All things considered, however, I learned from all of this why some people are constantly late, why some people cannot "imagine" the outcome, why some people will keep offering suggestions when you Just.Want.Them.To.Decide!!! I quickly learned that my husband really didn't care where we went for dinner, but I often did so I would just speak up.
I am an INFJ, which is no surprise at all if you know me. I would much rather spend time alone than with huge groups night after night. I can tell you the room would look much better if there was a plant on top of the bookshelf. I react to most situations with my heart before my head and I am absolutely totally a narrower when it comes to choices (tell me what restaurant we're going to and I can probably tell you what I'm eating long before we even get there!)
Maybe with all of my interest in learning about people, I should have become a shrink. I do think it has gone a long way in helping me to know what sort of person I could live the rest of my life with, however. My ex was such a "P" that it drove me insane. I wanted him to have an opinion, to feel passionately about SOMETHING and to be decisive. He isn't and he never will be. I also know that someone who wants to be out and active and hanging out with other people more often than not will wear me out. I like my solitude. I like to see people, sure, but then I want to go home. I'm sure I could handle a man who can't picture in his head the bedroom furniture until I have it all laid out for him, but I realize I need someone who at least teeters on the border between thinker/feeler or he'll never deal with my emotions well at all.
So take all this, add in the Love Languages, stir up a bit of family dysfuntion, pour in a large amount of "how you were raised", sprinkle in some "experiences better off forgotten" and you'll have a great idea how and why the people around you tick!
Comments
I haven't thought about Whitey's ice cream in over a decade! I remember the P-ness adventure! :)
15 years ago, I classified myself as an ENFJ (if I remember right), now I'm a 1-Acts of Service, 2-Quality time, 3-Gifts kind of gal!
We are doing the Love Languages of Teens with a group of friends. To no surprise, the hubby and oldest boy are QT, the girl is QT/Gifts, twin A is QT/touch, twin B is Words of Aff/QT. No wonder I get nothing done!!! If only they'd all just do stuff for me!!! :)