You

I have a need to find you today. Maybe it was the book they talked about yesterday, the one we read together and disagreed on. Maybe it is just the passing of time – what has it been, a year? maybe two, this time? Maybe it is just the ebb and flow of life, the way life goes on, even if we don’t share it anymore.

I have a need to hear you laugh. To see that smile, those eyes. There is peace there, contentment, security. Your presence is a safe haven. Perhaps the only place where I never felt pretenses, never had the need to hold back, hold up or hold onto.

I have a need to see your words. Your writing, your letters. To see the emotions you don’t always say. To read the feelings hidden within. To know, to just know.

I have a need.

But I won’t pursue it. I won’t call the number I know I could find. I won’t send the letter I wrote after dark. I won’t find your email, changed, but similar. I will leave it alone.

Because that is how we are best. Alone. Apart. Divided. That is the only way we can both move forward. And moving forward is the only way I will go. I will not go back.

This need will pass.

This need will pass.