Things I Know to Be True Part II
I’m not really here, I’m still on hiatus. It just seems that when you get used to documenting the (mundane) life that you lead, it’s hard to take a break. So, just pretend like you didn’t see me today.
Things I Know to be True:
1. The difference between a fourth-grade boy and a fifth-grade boy is that you have to shop in the men’s department for his shoes.
2. When your car won’t start in the parking lot of the bank and you have to pay to have it towed and pay to put in a new battery (the old one so dead it wouldn’t even jump start) and the total comes to an unexpected $200 on your Tuesday morning, you will be so incredibly grateful that this did NOT occur on the Ohio turnpike the day before that you will willingly and gleefully pay your local mechanic for the repairs.
3. Hanging out with Little Bird and George can help to suppress and distract from the agony of giving your dog away but upon arriving home, the sight of dog slobber on the wall can produce enough tears to drown in.
4. When you read the school supply list, where it says “no trapper keepers” you will find yourself lost in memories in the office supply aisle of Target, remembering how you used to spend hours at your best friend’s house rearranging your organizational system within your very own and much coveted, Trapper Keeper.
5. If your son uses pipe cleaners to make his yearly school sign (a sign that tells what grade he’s in that he holds up in his first day photo every year) the cats will think the pipe cleaners are there for the taking and will rip the paper apart in the night.
6. Without a dog in the house, you will remember that you do, in fact, have two cats who will now demand your attention.
7. If you allow your ten year old son to accompany you to the grocery store and invite him to help decide what you will stock the house with, you will need more than just a basket as you’ve grown accustomed to, and your total bill will quadruple.
8. If you simply want to add an “emergency phone” for use in your house (since you currently only have a cell phone) Verizon will charge you no less than DOUBLE your current bill to do so. Even if it’s a kid’s line. Even if the phone can’t dial more than 4 pre-programmed numbers. Even if you only want it in case he needs to dial 9-1-1. Even if.
9. If the U.S. Open is rain delayed and you continue to watch previous days’ play on the DVR, when you stop the recording you may freak out to see Agassi on Center Court playing James Blake – “wasn’t he just playing, but maybe that was two days ago…wasn’t he supposed to play Bagdadis next? How can this be the quarterfinals? They just played the first rounds….” Only to come to your senses and realize they are under rain delay AGAIN and are showing last year’s Open.
10. Sitting on side-by-side bar stools at the counter, with sloppy joes and baked beans for dinner, after Grace is said and you’re going through the highs and lows of the day with your son, you’ll realize once and again, there’s no place like home. And there’s no feeling in the world like being a mother.
11. Already relating to your new single-mom, mother of two, so recently divorced the ink isn't yet dry neighbor, you will agree without pause or question to watch her six year old daughter in the mornings before school so the mom doesn't have to drive all the way across town for day care and then try to hustle all the way back across and to the next town to get to work on time. You will agree to all of this, adamantly, without doubt, long before you register her words telling you that she will bring her daughter over at 7:20am. That's AM. That's BEFORE school. That's before you're normally out of the shower. Everyday. Way to go, Ames.
P.S. Here’s my unsolicited, completely shameless promotion for my latest most favorite find: Listerine Agent Blue Mouthwash stuff. I saw the commercial. I bought the product. It works like a dream. Your child swishes it like mouthwash BEFORE they brush and the blue sticks to plaque. Then they brush to get the blue OFF. It’s AWESOME!! With $2K worth of metal in his mouth and $5-6K more to go, there’s no way I’m letting this kid be a lazy brusher!
K. I’m done. I feel better now. I’ll be back in a week or two.
Things I Know to be True:
1. The difference between a fourth-grade boy and a fifth-grade boy is that you have to shop in the men’s department for his shoes.
2. When your car won’t start in the parking lot of the bank and you have to pay to have it towed and pay to put in a new battery (the old one so dead it wouldn’t even jump start) and the total comes to an unexpected $200 on your Tuesday morning, you will be so incredibly grateful that this did NOT occur on the Ohio turnpike the day before that you will willingly and gleefully pay your local mechanic for the repairs.
3. Hanging out with Little Bird and George can help to suppress and distract from the agony of giving your dog away but upon arriving home, the sight of dog slobber on the wall can produce enough tears to drown in.
4. When you read the school supply list, where it says “no trapper keepers” you will find yourself lost in memories in the office supply aisle of Target, remembering how you used to spend hours at your best friend’s house rearranging your organizational system within your very own and much coveted, Trapper Keeper.
5. If your son uses pipe cleaners to make his yearly school sign (a sign that tells what grade he’s in that he holds up in his first day photo every year) the cats will think the pipe cleaners are there for the taking and will rip the paper apart in the night.
6. Without a dog in the house, you will remember that you do, in fact, have two cats who will now demand your attention.
7. If you allow your ten year old son to accompany you to the grocery store and invite him to help decide what you will stock the house with, you will need more than just a basket as you’ve grown accustomed to, and your total bill will quadruple.
8. If you simply want to add an “emergency phone” for use in your house (since you currently only have a cell phone) Verizon will charge you no less than DOUBLE your current bill to do so. Even if it’s a kid’s line. Even if the phone can’t dial more than 4 pre-programmed numbers. Even if you only want it in case he needs to dial 9-1-1. Even if.
9. If the U.S. Open is rain delayed and you continue to watch previous days’ play on the DVR, when you stop the recording you may freak out to see Agassi on Center Court playing James Blake – “wasn’t he just playing, but maybe that was two days ago…wasn’t he supposed to play Bagdadis next? How can this be the quarterfinals? They just played the first rounds….” Only to come to your senses and realize they are under rain delay AGAIN and are showing last year’s Open.
10. Sitting on side-by-side bar stools at the counter, with sloppy joes and baked beans for dinner, after Grace is said and you’re going through the highs and lows of the day with your son, you’ll realize once and again, there’s no place like home. And there’s no feeling in the world like being a mother.
11. Already relating to your new single-mom, mother of two, so recently divorced the ink isn't yet dry neighbor, you will agree without pause or question to watch her six year old daughter in the mornings before school so the mom doesn't have to drive all the way across town for day care and then try to hustle all the way back across and to the next town to get to work on time. You will agree to all of this, adamantly, without doubt, long before you register her words telling you that she will bring her daughter over at 7:20am. That's AM. That's BEFORE school. That's before you're normally out of the shower. Everyday. Way to go, Ames.
P.S. Here’s my unsolicited, completely shameless promotion for my latest most favorite find: Listerine Agent Blue Mouthwash stuff. I saw the commercial. I bought the product. It works like a dream. Your child swishes it like mouthwash BEFORE they brush and the blue sticks to plaque. Then they brush to get the blue OFF. It’s AWESOME!! With $2K worth of metal in his mouth and $5-6K more to go, there’s no way I’m letting this kid be a lazy brusher!
K. I’m done. I feel better now. I’ll be back in a week or two.
Comments
you will also find, i think, that all of those crumbs that used to just disappear will now need sweeping up.
trapper keepers? mine was blue and covered in stickers.
Can't wait to get the Listerine, I've been eyeing it but keep forgetting to pick it up.
I hope you don't think my comment about the crumbs was meant to trivialize...it wasn't. We got rid of our beagle last year and it was heartbreaking.
Miss you a ton! Things are ok here, not great, it sucks to see old people age, but they are still pretty spry for 87!
Hope you and LM are having a blast! Did I mention that I miss you? And LM? By the way, George said today that "it was so funny that I forgot to laugh". Then he says, "I got that from my cousin, isn't that great?".
Gotta run, battery is dying. I'll talk to you tomorrow! LOVE YA!
SIS
Oh, you had me cracking up on this one.
I think I need that Listerine for myself. :)