Heartbreak

Part of me doesn’t even want to document my current struggle for fear of the repercussions that will flow in the comments but I’m nothing if not honest so bear with me (and tread softly, please).

Over the past year I have documented my love and frustration with my dog. He is truly a great dog, well behaved in the house, an excellent companion, loveable, great with LM, and obedient. I have welcomed people into my home that were wary of such a large breed and have been able to quickly put them at ease with his obedience and pleasant demeanor. I have invested an inordinate amount of money and time into training Gabe and have seen many successes come from that investment.

However, I continue to have increasing problems with him in the yard and on a walk to the point that a walk around the neighborhood is virtually impossible (for fear of running into another dog). I have socialized him regularly at the dog park and kept him exercised there but I obviously still have a need to just be able to take him out in the yard several times a day. He has never once been aggressive towards another dog, but will take off towards one (or a cat, or any animal he might see) to go investigate and play. Being 200 pounds, it’s not usually well-received by other dogs and owners.

To give my dog up is heartbreaking to me. I love him. I love his company when LM isn’t home. I love to sit with him at night while I watch football. I even love to hear his comforting snore beside me each night while I sleep. I love him, I truly do. But not like I love my child. I recognize that he is one of God’s creatures but I also recognize that he is a pet.

I have been researching rescue organizations that specialize in large breeds. I’d like to know that he could find a new home where he would have the ability to run and play without being so anxious in his own yard. It breaks my heart to even think of him gone, but I know that he would be adored by someone in that situation and would make such a wonderful pet for someone. He would be easy to love.

I know that the stress of trying to do best by my dog and best for myself has been weighing heavily on me lately. I am eager to move out of my condo mainly to accommodate the needs of the dog (not that I don’t want my own home, but I could be more patient about it if this need weren’t so pressing).

I know there are people who feel that a pet is like a child and cannot fathom giving a pet away under any circumstances. I can understand your position. Do not think I am heartless for mine. I have to do what is best for the whole family, Gabe included and I don’t think I’m giving that to him here. I don’t think I made a bad decision by choosing a mastiff to begin with, he’s been a delight, he’s been well trained and extremely wonderful in all the ways I knew he would be. It is impossible to know what dogs will have these sorts of issues and which won’t. If he were a jack russel, I could certainly just yank him back when he threatened to bolt but he wouldn’t be any more fun to take on a walk, either.

I guess what I’m asking is that if you could just say a prayer that a good home would be found for Gabe and to help me keep my focus on how he might bring happiness to another family, too, I would appreciate it. LM knows nothing about this process, but will if anything should appear to be final. If you strongly disagree with me, if you could just save me the personal blow this one time and NOT leave a comment, I would appreciate it. I am struggling with this enough as it is.