It's All Percolating
I wish I liked coffee. Or tea. To me they both taste like you plucked something off the ground, crushed it up, ran boiling water over it and strained it. Oh, wait, that IS what you do. At any rate, I have moments when I envy those who relax with a cup of hot bean water.
This morning, due to the shift in the clocks this weekend, I am up earlier than necessary again. My body didn’t get the memo that the time has moved so I find it difficult to keep my eyes open long enough to watch football at night, and difficult to believe the alarm clock when I wake before it does. I’m sitting here this morning, fresh out of the shower with oodles of time to get dressed, watching the birds at the feeders and enjoying the morning light. A cup of joe seems to be all that’s lacking for a more picturesque moment. Coffee is like the wine of the morning.
Today feels filled with promise. Slowly but surely I am getting things in my life sorted out and arranged better. Last night Edmund in Texas helped me get one step closer financially to some of my goals. Today I will make another phone call that will help in that regard. Pieces to the bigger picture.
All in all, I know that life is good. I know that the things I want to accomplish are attainable. But I recognize the time between now and the realization of some of those goals. I might want a house in the country with all my heart, but I know that I’m a few years from being able to make that happen. I might want to plan a vacation of my own choosing, but I know that won’t happen in 2006.
I might also want to be in a relationship again, but I am well aware that I’m not even close to being ready for one. I have a great dislike for myself and an extreme mistrust of others that makes a relationship more than just a challenge, it makes it impossible. I am the queen of sabotage for anyone that tries. I will get there. I will get to the place where I feel like I have a lot to offer someone again, but I’m not there now. While we are all works in progress, I’m still building the foundation. I need time. I don’t want to carry all my issues into a new relationship. I want to resolve them first.
Winter is coming. Far from my favorite season, but this year it reminds me of the self-inflicted hibernation I’m in. It’s a season of the year and of my life when stepping back and regrouping leads to an incredible springtime. I look forward to the day when I feel like I have some of my ducks in a row. When I feel prepared to face the world knowing I have already faced my demons and won.
To that, I raise my non-existent cup of java and say “cheers!”
This morning, due to the shift in the clocks this weekend, I am up earlier than necessary again. My body didn’t get the memo that the time has moved so I find it difficult to keep my eyes open long enough to watch football at night, and difficult to believe the alarm clock when I wake before it does. I’m sitting here this morning, fresh out of the shower with oodles of time to get dressed, watching the birds at the feeders and enjoying the morning light. A cup of joe seems to be all that’s lacking for a more picturesque moment. Coffee is like the wine of the morning.
Today feels filled with promise. Slowly but surely I am getting things in my life sorted out and arranged better. Last night Edmund in Texas helped me get one step closer financially to some of my goals. Today I will make another phone call that will help in that regard. Pieces to the bigger picture.
All in all, I know that life is good. I know that the things I want to accomplish are attainable. But I recognize the time between now and the realization of some of those goals. I might want a house in the country with all my heart, but I know that I’m a few years from being able to make that happen. I might want to plan a vacation of my own choosing, but I know that won’t happen in 2006.
I might also want to be in a relationship again, but I am well aware that I’m not even close to being ready for one. I have a great dislike for myself and an extreme mistrust of others that makes a relationship more than just a challenge, it makes it impossible. I am the queen of sabotage for anyone that tries. I will get there. I will get to the place where I feel like I have a lot to offer someone again, but I’m not there now. While we are all works in progress, I’m still building the foundation. I need time. I don’t want to carry all my issues into a new relationship. I want to resolve them first.
Winter is coming. Far from my favorite season, but this year it reminds me of the self-inflicted hibernation I’m in. It’s a season of the year and of my life when stepping back and regrouping leads to an incredible springtime. I look forward to the day when I feel like I have some of my ducks in a row. When I feel prepared to face the world knowing I have already faced my demons and won.
To that, I raise my non-existent cup of java and say “cheers!”
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