River Chaser

I dream of kayaking. To actually do it would be a laughing matter, I fear. Pale, uncoordinated girl in a boat just doesn’t fit the image I have in my head. The sound of a river does magical things to my soul and seeing the world from the middle of the water is a sight to recall for years to come. This is not, however the sort of river I have been chasing. The ‘river’ is the last card played in a Texas Hold’Em Poker game. Poker has become my latest addiction, although that may be an understatement, I’ll have to check with my therapist. I do not play with money, do not gasp and forward my mail to hell just yet. There are free tournaments throughout the area at local restaurants every night of the week (and three times on Sunday!) This addiction began about a month ago, when I was desperately missing my son and found that I could not only engage my mind, but do so in a room full of MEN! What better way to spend my evenings! (Turns out, men who are playing poker are really not at all interested in chit chat, and I became far to serious about getting good at the game to notice the attractive potentials at my table). The first night I played, I came in 18th out 71 players and was so incredible proud of myself. The second night, I won the tournament, taking home a cash prize of $100, thus catapulting the addiction to therapeutic levels. What I have learned about myself through this experience is that I have no patience. Those who know me are already laughing, wondering how it took me this long to figure this out. It’s not that I didn’t realize it before, I just didn’t realize the extent. For those unfamiliar with Texas Hold’Em (I shudder at the thought) it goes something like this: Each player is dealt 2 cards, face down. After a round of betting, the dealer lays down three “community” cards in the middle called “the flop”. After another round of betting, the dealer lays down a fourth card, called “the turn”, and then after more better, the dealer lays down the last and final card, called “the river”. Each player is to make the best 5-card hand with the 7 possible cards available. I can never wait for the River Card. I cannot play for a straight draw, or a flush potential if I have to wait on the river to get it. People win BIG on the River. Not me, I have long since folded. I have no patience. I cannot possibly depend on that ONE final card, with all the odds against me to make my hand THIS is perhaps why I suck at this poker game. That and I’m too conservative. I only want to play when I have cards to play and good players don’t need the cards, they can simply play the players. This, as it turns out is a direct reflection on my life. I can’t possible create one more lame metaphor to spell it out, but it’s true. I have no patience for what MIGHT come my way. I have this need to cling tightly to what exists only right in front of me and to disbelieve anything that has the odds for coming down the road. It’s the fear that what I need most will never come. That the one thing I am banking on (literally in poker) won’t actually materialize. What I am learning is that I need to take more chances. I need to risk more to win more. I need to put myself out there and hold my breath just a little longer. Good things might happen. They might not, too, but I have nothing to lose by trying! Tonight, I am off to play in my Tuesday night game. I am going to try to risk more, take chances more often, play more than just my cards and to hold my breath for the river. Even if I am out in 10 minutes, I will know that I at the very least, I sat down at the table and played. If this doesn’t work out, there’s always the kayaking thing. Let’s hope this works out. ;)