Why It's Best Not to Ask Flash For Help

"Hey Flash, can you help me brainstorm some animals and their sounds for a second grade assignment.  You know, cat, dog, mouse, etc."

"Sure, Mom.  How about a zebra?"

"What sound, exactly, does a zebra make, Flash?"

“Hummmphrumpphadum”

"Sounds like a rather uncertain zebra"

"Zebras are rather uncertain animals, mom."

"How about another idea?"

"How about a waterbuffalo?"

"A waterbuffalo?  What sound, pray tell, does a water buffalo make?"

“Well, something like, 'Oh, God! Oh God, there’s a lion!' but in water buffalo-speak."

"You are a great help, Flash."

"Fine.  How about an alligator?"

"How about if we just think of objects that make noise."

"Oh, that’s easier.  A machine gun, rocking chair…"

"I’m going to skip the machine gun, since, again, this is a school project.  But I need the sound to be just one word, you know, like cat says meow, dog says woof. .."

"Fine, how about a television?"

"What does a television sound like?"

“SpongeBob SquarePants?”

"Flash."

"Okay, how about a computer?"

"I know I’m going to regret this, but what does a computer sound like, Flash?"

"Boop, beep, boop, beep, bop!"

"Let's hope the second graders are better at this than you are, Flash."