Sunday, February 06, 2011

For The Marrieds (Why It's Good to Be You)

I had a date last weekend. It went well enough that I actually accepted the offer for a second date. I wasn't smitten by any stretch, but it hadn't been a complete disaster and so I figured, why not?

The second date wasn't horrible either, but I still wasn't really feeling any chemistry. He was, this much I knew, but I have been told I'm quick to judge and I'm too picky, so I accepted an offer for a third date.

By the third date, however, all the little nudgings in the back of my mind during the first two, came to the forefront pretty quickly. We had decided to shoot some pool and he was talking on the phone to his kids when I arrived. I got some quarters and was picking out my cue stick when he finished his call and came over to say hello. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked how he was doing. He said, "Good, but could be better." I thought something was wrong with his kids. Before I could ask, he took hold of the cue stick I was choosing and held it in place so I couldn't take it. He looked me square in the eye and said, "I'd be great if I could get a kiss." Um, yeah. NO.

That pretty much typified the entire evening. While he wasn't pushy, he was certainly physically flirtatious in a way that made me uncomfortable in a public place.

After we went our separate ways that night he called to apologize, having finally picked up on all the negative vibes I had been sending out, he said he hadn't meant to be so pushy and felt badly for it. We talked and I explained that I just wasn't really feeling the same chemistry between us, and we left it at the "let's stay friends" line.

On Friday evening, he called to ask if I had any plans. I stalled, not knowing what offer was going to be put on the table, but he very politely asked if maybe I wanted to just grab a pizza and watch a movie together - just as friends, no pressure, no dating. Flash had just received some sci-fi dvd's from his dad that he was geeked about watching, so staying in and watching those seemed a worse option than his offer, so after confirming and reiterating, just friends, I agreed.

When I got there, he almost immediately wanted to order pizza. He asked if I had any preferences and I stated my few dislikes and he jumped on the phone. He had a coupon for DOMINOES and so that seemed to be the fate of my dinner. (I have to say, I haven't eaten Dominoes since college. I just have never been that desperate for crap pizza again.) The coupon was for a $13 deal, so I went to pull out my share. I had $7 or a $20 bill. I put a $20 on the counter figuring my half with tax and delivery tip would be more than $7.

Perhaps needless to say, I was the only contributor to the crappy pizza. He gave the delivery girl the $20, did not get any change and made no contribution of his own. I was appalled. We watched a movie and he tried to flirt and even at one point tried to TICKLE me. I moved to a completely different couch. (As a note: I never felt like he was going to do anything drastic or truly offensive, he just nudged in a direction I wasn't going.)

He kept pausing the movie to tell me about these other women he had gone out with and how crazy they were. Except that he had agreed to go out with them again - including a date to watch the SuperBowl. He said he had a problem saying no to women and he joked about it with me about how he even caved when his mom asked him to bring the kids and spend the night there. I stared at him. I felt like saying, "So you're cheap and spineless and this is supposed to make me want to date you?"

I left as soon as I politely could (and very nearly before it was even polite). He called the next morning to say he meant to pay for part of the pizza but I'll be honest, it was a weak apology and I'm not buying it. He has called and emailed since and I've responded with an "I'm moving on" email.


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