Burdened
The text message was sweet, unexpectedly complimentary. It's not that it's unlike him, it's just not a commonplace text from him on a Sunday afternoon.
I returned the compliment and asked if all was okay.
He tried to push whatever burden he was holding under the rug and assure me he was fine. But I knew better. We may not have been together for awhile but we had loved each other all those years ago.
I called. He cried. He unloaded his burden and told me his sorrows. A battle. A decision. Choices and options he did not know how to face or choose. I had been there. All those years ago. Faced with a relationship that wasn't as God intended. Now he is faced with a problem he doesn't know how to handle within his relationship. Does he stay and love someone through it? Does he leave and risk falling apart? I understood. I knew. I had been there.
But his present choice brings up past pain. Of not being enough then and not feeling good enough now. The weight is heavier when pain is added to pain.
I reassured, as I always do with him. He is good. He is loving. He is caring and thoughtful and generous. I don't agree with his life, but that doesn't change who he is at heart.
And so we mended in some ways. We embraced over the phone wires and I let him know he had the strength through God to know what to do. To handle or to leave. To stay or to change.
He's not one to change. He's not one to move unless pushed. He's one to stay and fix if he can.
And I expect that's what he'll try to do at least as long as the other person lets him.
But I know where he's coming from. And I don't wish that on anyone. Even on the one who forced my choice all those years ago.
I returned the compliment and asked if all was okay.
He tried to push whatever burden he was holding under the rug and assure me he was fine. But I knew better. We may not have been together for awhile but we had loved each other all those years ago.
I called. He cried. He unloaded his burden and told me his sorrows. A battle. A decision. Choices and options he did not know how to face or choose. I had been there. All those years ago. Faced with a relationship that wasn't as God intended. Now he is faced with a problem he doesn't know how to handle within his relationship. Does he stay and love someone through it? Does he leave and risk falling apart? I understood. I knew. I had been there.
But his present choice brings up past pain. Of not being enough then and not feeling good enough now. The weight is heavier when pain is added to pain.
I reassured, as I always do with him. He is good. He is loving. He is caring and thoughtful and generous. I don't agree with his life, but that doesn't change who he is at heart.
And so we mended in some ways. We embraced over the phone wires and I let him know he had the strength through God to know what to do. To handle or to leave. To stay or to change.
He's not one to change. He's not one to move unless pushed. He's one to stay and fix if he can.
And I expect that's what he'll try to do at least as long as the other person lets him.
But I know where he's coming from. And I don't wish that on anyone. Even on the one who forced my choice all those years ago.
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