The Very Stealthy Cricket

I was in my classroom last week when I sensed movement out of the corner of my eye.  I was scared to look, it was something on the floor and that is never, NEVER good.  

A cricket.

I should pause here and say, I have this thing about bugs.  Especially jumping bugs.  I am convinced that the snake is not the most feared animal, but really the grasshopper is.  They jump in unpredictable ways.  They sort of fly, but not really.  And walking innocently through the yard you could rouse one up and it could LAND.ON.YOU. Snakes just slither away.  A grasshopper will someday be the death of me.

And so the cricket.  Grasshopper's wild little brother.

In my classroom, far too near my desk for comfort.

I scoot my desk chair back and contemplate my options.

My usual course of action, my weapon of choice - the vacuum - is not available to me in my classroom.  I'm not even sure how to think of Plan B with this hopping, jumping, leaping little demon at my feet.

I scramble.

I head to the door and walk across the hall trying to regulate my breathing.   There is a sub in the room and she is lining the students up to go somewhere.  I calmly ask if I may borrow George for a moment.  

Ever excited to have a mission, George eagerly follows me to my classroom.  When we arrive at the scene, I point to the cricket and say, "He's got to go."

George is thrilled!  A cricket!  In the classroom!!  I had him a tissue, reminding him of his nephewly duties.  He tosses the tissue over the cricket.  The possessed insect just leaps out from under it.  This happens over and over, each time George giggles a little more and I move further and further way.

Then I hear the most dreaded words of all.  "I can't find him."

WHAT?!!

I explain to George that it is NOT ACCEPTABLE to have a cricket LOST somewhere in the vicinity of my desk.  He is looking around and under the desk.  I am too, but from a very safe distance, say, perhaps 20 feet.

And then relief, George spies the black intruder by the table!  I suggest he perhaps step on it just lightly to stun in and then he might be able to grab it with the tissue.  I don't want to encourage a complete squishing because I know, crickets crunch and I might never recover from that sound even if it doesn't happen beneath my feet.

George thinks this is a marvelous idea and lightly treads upon the unsuspecting bug.  "Oh, that's awesome!" he declares.  "I can see guts!!"

I ask him as calmly as I can if he would now remove the bug and go flush it down the toilet.  He picks up the remains of the cricket in his tissue and heads off to the bathroom in the hall.  I remind him to head on off to library then.

George is officially my hero.

P.S.  A couple of days later I asked if I could borrow George for a moment.  I needed him to run to the office for me to get something while I had class.  The first words out of his mouth were, "What?  Are you scared of another little cricket?!"