Once, This Summer

This summer I fell in love. With an idea. With a family. With being loved and appreciated and feeling like a mom again.

And there was this guy. And I thought, Wow. He has so much going for him. A great job that he's worked so hard to acquire and accomplish. Great kids, supportive family.

But he didn't see it that way. He felt tired, and bogged down. He felt like giving up and giving in. He complained about his ex, about his life, about his situation.

And finally I stopped seeing the great guy because all I could see was this pessimist.

But even now, if you catch me in a moment, maybe after a glass of wine, maybe on a lonely Thursday night, I might still see a glimpse of that great guy. The one I never really met, but the one I knew was out there. I wanted a strong Christian. He said he was both, I saw neither.
And so I sit at home deflated wishing I could meet that great guy. The one I thought existed, but the one that never surfaced.

There's one that wants to see me sometimes, but he can't make a decision, can't hold his own head up, doesn't see his worth and has to force a smile. He's not the one for me.

But once, this summer, I thought he was.