Single
I can do single. I can do single on my birthday. I can do single for parenting. I can do single for paying the bills and taking care of the car and even taking out the trash. I can do single 24/7 and not bat an eye.
I can do single so well can agree with enthusiasm to come to a New Year's Eve party at church with all the people from my Sunday School class - all married people. I can agree to go even though I really only know two of the women at all and that's not even well. I can psych myself up for it in the hours before I go reminding myself it's a family night thing, and it won't feel uncomfortable and it'll be sooo good to meet more people...
And I can handle being single when I walk in alone. I can handle being single putting my food offering in the kitchen. I can handle being single and walking into the game room not recognizing a single face. I can do it.
And I can handle it when games get rolling and someone asks if I play Euchre and I excitedly say yes I play and yes I'd love to and then realize they thought I came with a partner. They thought I was two not one. And I can handle it and find a wife whose husband doesn't want to play and we can be great partners and have a fantastic time.
Until we start talking about card games we know and a wife says to her husband, "honey, do I play gin?"
And that's when it hit me tonight. That's when I just about lost it. That's when I wanted to leave and go home and just not be anywhere near all the couples anymore.
No one knows if I play gin. No one knows that I'd love a diet Coke if you're going to the kitchen, but not with caffeine or I'll be up all night. No one knows that I hate veggie dip with my carrots, I like dill dip. No one knows that I'm trying to play cards and have fun tonight but I'm really worried about my grandma. No one knows the inside joke about goldfish, or the thing I meant to say when I said veneer. There was no one there to hold hands with when we prayed in the New Year and no one there to give a knowing squeeze when the little boy prayed for God to help him not fight so much with his sister this year. There was no one to kiss at midnight and no one to hold my arm when I walked out to the car in the snow. There was no one to scrape off the car or to help me see behind me when I pulled out of the parking lot and no one there to help me back it into the carport back home. There was no one there at all when I turned the key and there will be no one there when I crawl into bed.
Tonight, I do not do single well at all, I am afraid.
I can do single so well can agree with enthusiasm to come to a New Year's Eve party at church with all the people from my Sunday School class - all married people. I can agree to go even though I really only know two of the women at all and that's not even well. I can psych myself up for it in the hours before I go reminding myself it's a family night thing, and it won't feel uncomfortable and it'll be sooo good to meet more people...
And I can handle being single when I walk in alone. I can handle being single putting my food offering in the kitchen. I can handle being single and walking into the game room not recognizing a single face. I can do it.
And I can handle it when games get rolling and someone asks if I play Euchre and I excitedly say yes I play and yes I'd love to and then realize they thought I came with a partner. They thought I was two not one. And I can handle it and find a wife whose husband doesn't want to play and we can be great partners and have a fantastic time.
Until we start talking about card games we know and a wife says to her husband, "honey, do I play gin?"
And that's when it hit me tonight. That's when I just about lost it. That's when I wanted to leave and go home and just not be anywhere near all the couples anymore.
No one knows if I play gin. No one knows that I'd love a diet Coke if you're going to the kitchen, but not with caffeine or I'll be up all night. No one knows that I hate veggie dip with my carrots, I like dill dip. No one knows that I'm trying to play cards and have fun tonight but I'm really worried about my grandma. No one knows the inside joke about goldfish, or the thing I meant to say when I said veneer. There was no one there to hold hands with when we prayed in the New Year and no one there to give a knowing squeeze when the little boy prayed for God to help him not fight so much with his sister this year. There was no one to kiss at midnight and no one to hold my arm when I walked out to the car in the snow. There was no one to scrape off the car or to help me see behind me when I pulled out of the parking lot and no one there to help me back it into the carport back home. There was no one there at all when I turned the key and there will be no one there when I crawl into bed.
Tonight, I do not do single well at all, I am afraid.
Comments
Now it's a whole new year! Anything can happen.
:-)
Hugs and prayers for you to find that special someone this year!!!
I'd rush over and give you a great big hug if I could. Instead I'll lift you up to the One who fills all our needs, even when it doesn't feel like it.
You, in fact, are an amazing and strong woman, and one of the reasons I come back to your blog all the time is because I admire your attitude and your spunk, and how you are so stinkin' good at being a mom to your little boy wonder! :)
I can definitely identify to those moments when you don't do single well. Sending hugs your way.
Blessings
Email at home, when you get home.
Thx.
SP
*hugs*