The Sub

They say substitute teaching is like riding a bike, even if you haven't done it in a dozen years your back will ache and you'll still feel like you were kicked in the butt. Or maybe I just say that.

It's been a dozen years since I last set foot in a classroom. More than that since any student refered to me by my maiden name. So many things about my day felt so very good and right and so many things felt so remarkably different.

First of all, I was supposed to sub first grade for a half day. I thought that'd be a great way to stick my toes back in the water and get my confidence up. Turns out there was a miscommunication between the school secretary and the sub caller and the half day is actually tomorrow. But! (said the school secretary with glee) we could still use you for today!! Um, for what? Well, for another first grade as it turns out so I allowed myself to say yes of course and I wandered down the hall to the classroom where God granted me a remarkable miracle, I was blessed not only with a student teacher but with an all-day intern, too!!! (and the angels above sang Hallelujah!)

So, while my day was really really easy, I have to say I learned a lot. Like how to pronounce:
Namontea, RayShawn (as opposed to Rae' Sean), Ayonna, Kashyah, Quay 'van, Neahana, Keyth and Adonnis. I tried (in vain) to teach several of the kids how to spell 'that' (a difficulty when they don't hear a 'th' sound at all at the beginning of that word). I translated ebonics into sentences like "she has sand on her pants" which took me no less than five times to hear before I understood. I watched children traverse all matters of moods over the day as their blood sugar soared and plummeted. I listened to a beautiful little seven year old say "dammit" to her math assignment. I heard the student teacher say outloud and in front of the whole class during group reading, "jEsUs!" (this was the same woman who gave the kids an entire lecture on how to handle and check out books at the 'libary' (notice the missing R).

It was, perhaps, the easiest day of subbing I will ever have and yet, somehow the most difficult on my heart. To have a child flinch and pull away when you put your hand on their shoulder and compliment them on their work is not something I've ever experienced before. But I'll be more careful tomorrow. To have a child talk and talk and talk and talk and hold my hand and hug me and talk and talk and talk and I know that they just need attention and love.

So, I'll go back tomorrow. Just for a half day. And I'll try on a whole new classroom of names without the help of two student teachers. And in the afternoon I'll have a phone interview for a job at a local college and I'll wonder, in between, if any of these kids will ever have the chance to even dream of college. I hope so. I hope that's what the Kalamazoo Promise brings, is the hope of college to all these kids who currently go to school and get free breakfast and free lunch. I hope.

I hope they hope, too.