Blessed

I no longer own a home. Our apartment is tiny, crammed with furniture and belongings and smells a bit like cat pee (not our cat). I have no full-time job. I spend most days in someone else's classroom learning the names of 24 students and doing my best to not only keep them in one piece but to educate them at least slightly during the time they are in my care. Our budget is tight, we don't eat out and we know where to find hot dogs and mac n' cheese on sale. I've had interviews but no job has really struck me as something I want to do for the next five years. I've had offers but after careful consideration, I've turned each one of them down.

And yet

I've never been so content. I've never felt such peace. I've never been quite so happy. I just feel content. I feel satisfied. I feel as though each and every day God will give me what I need and not more than I can handle. I am not anxious or worried or stressed.

Last week I sat down to calculate how many days I had subbed in the district and when that money will be in my pocket. The car needed two new tires badly and the brakes needed to be looked at. With the cold weather coming, I wanted to make sure we were safe on the roads. I was also looking ahead to Christmas and wanting to be sure I had a little extra for gifts for those that we love. On Friday an unexpected check arrived in the mail. It wasn't a huge amount, but it paid for the new tires and a little extra for me to start thinking about Christmas gifts. It was exactly what I needed and nothing more.

The church we've been attending is huge and yet on Wednesday evenings, each and every week, someone I don't know introduces themself to me and asks if there is any way they can help me while we get settled. On Sunday mornings now I am greeted by familiar faces and even a hug. This past Sunday my dad and second mom sat beside us in the pew, a special treat that means more than I can say.

I can look at the real estate in the area and know that one day in the not-so-distant future, we will have our pick of homes. We might have that fireplace we've always wanted, that garden out back, the sunroom for all my plants, a windowsill just perfect for Jonah.

I am looking into the requirements to convert my Illinois teaching certificate to a Michigan one, and I'm meeting with other school districts to perhaps find a comfortable home for subbing - maybe even secure something long term somewhere. I'm taking my time to follow my passions and my heart and I'm allowing God to lead me as I go.

I'm not sure why it ever took me so long to just let go and let God. But I'm ever so glad I did for I am truly blessed.

Amy and Jacob Fall 2007