Things I Learned From My Dad
1. The light switch works in both directions. (You knew that one had to be on the list, it might as well be first!)
2. While driving should be taken seriously, keeping your hands at 10 and 2 is ridiculous.
3. How to catch a softball with my cheek.
4. That mini-golf is a competitive sport.
5. You shouldn't always let on that you're better than your opponent. (He played ping pong left-handed for years against some of our friends, just so they might stand a chance of winning.)
6. Marriage is till death do you part. And that's not easy.
7. Twizzlers are a food group.
8. It's always good to have a game plan.
9. A note card in your pocket can provide you with a grocery list, the measurements for the shelf you're looking for, an important phone number, a reminder of your dentist appointment and all sorts of useful information.
10. Lawn care is a full-time job.
11. Members of our family can fix just about anything. Except their own vehicles.
12. It's best not to try to even fix an old vehicle. Avoid the issue entirely by trading it in every three years.
13. You can hate swimming and still own a boat.
14. Sundays are meant for church and napping through a sporting event (I learned this one early and well!)
15. Soda is actually 'pop' and should come in a glass full of ice.
16. DisneyWorld is a wonderful place and you WILL.HAVE.FUN.THERE. (dangnabbit)
17. You can live your whole life without ever eating an onion or a green pepper. (Although Judy has brought him a long way!)
18. Even if you're just there to chaperone, you should always dance.
19. (But bring along a sewing kit just in case they play "The Twist".)
20. A sense of humor is key to a good personality. If you can't take a joke, you don't belong here. (oh, my poor ex-husband...)
21. Before leaving the house, make sure you have your keys, a pen, and wintergreen Lifesavers in your pocket.
22. It is critical to own both a truck and a minivan for the two occasions each year when they come in handy.
23. Rules are important to enforce. Until you become a grandparent.
24. You can actually retire a full year early if you never use a sick day.
25. Expect to run into someone you know everywhere you go. Even Mexico and Hawaii.
26. It is possible to be a "cool" high school principal and still maintain your authority.
27. Never climb a ladder to the roof without telling someone first.
28. McDonald's advertises the wrong price for their orange juice.
29. Cheerleaders are worthless.
30. So are cats.
31. It is possible to actually enjoy women's basketball (if you're over 55 and live in the Knoxville area...)
32. Saving for retirement is worth every penny.
33. It is possible to vacation every couple years in Mexico and NEVER drink the tequila. ( I have not actually tried this myself...)
34. Checkbooks should be balanced to the penny.
35. If the cucumbers cost more than $.69/pound, they aren't worth it.
36. Cantelope is actually called "musk melon" (and can be eaten with salt and pepper)
37. If you run errands on Saturday morning, bring home doughnuts. (Mmm...Swiss Maid...)
38. There is no reason to EVER be late.
39. "It's good enough for who it's for."
40. Sometimes disappointment is the only emotion a parent needs to show to prompt change in their children.
41. Forrest Gump is a great date movie.
42. Even if you don't drink alcohol, you can go through all the preparations to select the perfect bottle of wine and still fail to impress a date if you forget you don't own a corkscrew.
43. No matter how old you get, giving a mixed tape is still romantic.
44. You can go your whole life knowing only one song on the piano if you know just when to play it.
45. Retirement (aka 'lawn care') might keep you so busy that you'll need vacations just to relax.
46. The only insult that should ever be uttered in road rage is, "Good manuever, Gadoover!"
47. Screwdrivers should have names (beyond just 'flathead' or 'phillips' there's always 'Bertha')
48. So should cars.
49. Driving ten miles out of your way to save two cents on gas makes sense.
50. Cheetos are nutritious.
51. You can marry your best friend twice in your lifetime.
52. God answers prayers, just not always on your timeline. (All those years you prayed for a son...)
53. Being a wedding video-ographer is harder than it seems. (Glad you kept your day job!)
54. It is possible to put three kids through college (and braces and extra-curricular activities...) and still retire in style without being the CEO of anything. (I keep praying this holds true!)
55. If it swims, it's not an option for dinner.
56. Loving your children equally doesn't mean loving them the same way.
57. Sometimes a hug is the best thing to say.
58. If you can make tomato soup, you can cook. (I still can't make it though...)
59. Just because it's called a 'garage' doesn't mean it shouldn't be as spotless as the kitchen.
60. Olive Garden only makes lasagna.
61. It only gets better after 60. Happy 61st, Dad!! I love you!
2. While driving should be taken seriously, keeping your hands at 10 and 2 is ridiculous.
3. How to catch a softball with my cheek.
4. That mini-golf is a competitive sport.
5. You shouldn't always let on that you're better than your opponent. (He played ping pong left-handed for years against some of our friends, just so they might stand a chance of winning.)
6. Marriage is till death do you part. And that's not easy.
7. Twizzlers are a food group.
8. It's always good to have a game plan.
9. A note card in your pocket can provide you with a grocery list, the measurements for the shelf you're looking for, an important phone number, a reminder of your dentist appointment and all sorts of useful information.
10. Lawn care is a full-time job.
11. Members of our family can fix just about anything. Except their own vehicles.
12. It's best not to try to even fix an old vehicle. Avoid the issue entirely by trading it in every three years.
13. You can hate swimming and still own a boat.
14. Sundays are meant for church and napping through a sporting event (I learned this one early and well!)
15. Soda is actually 'pop' and should come in a glass full of ice.
16. DisneyWorld is a wonderful place and you WILL.HAVE.FUN.THERE. (dangnabbit)
17. You can live your whole life without ever eating an onion or a green pepper. (Although Judy has brought him a long way!)
18. Even if you're just there to chaperone, you should always dance.
19. (But bring along a sewing kit just in case they play "The Twist".)
20. A sense of humor is key to a good personality. If you can't take a joke, you don't belong here. (oh, my poor ex-husband...)
21. Before leaving the house, make sure you have your keys, a pen, and wintergreen Lifesavers in your pocket.
22. It is critical to own both a truck and a minivan for the two occasions each year when they come in handy.
23. Rules are important to enforce. Until you become a grandparent.
24. You can actually retire a full year early if you never use a sick day.
25. Expect to run into someone you know everywhere you go. Even Mexico and Hawaii.
26. It is possible to be a "cool" high school principal and still maintain your authority.
27. Never climb a ladder to the roof without telling someone first.
28. McDonald's advertises the wrong price for their orange juice.
29. Cheerleaders are worthless.
30. So are cats.
31. It is possible to actually enjoy women's basketball (if you're over 55 and live in the Knoxville area...)
32. Saving for retirement is worth every penny.
33. It is possible to vacation every couple years in Mexico and NEVER drink the tequila. ( I have not actually tried this myself...)
34. Checkbooks should be balanced to the penny.
35. If the cucumbers cost more than $.69/pound, they aren't worth it.
36. Cantelope is actually called "musk melon" (and can be eaten with salt and pepper)
37. If you run errands on Saturday morning, bring home doughnuts. (Mmm...Swiss Maid...)
38. There is no reason to EVER be late.
39. "It's good enough for who it's for."
40. Sometimes disappointment is the only emotion a parent needs to show to prompt change in their children.
41. Forrest Gump is a great date movie.
42. Even if you don't drink alcohol, you can go through all the preparations to select the perfect bottle of wine and still fail to impress a date if you forget you don't own a corkscrew.
43. No matter how old you get, giving a mixed tape is still romantic.
44. You can go your whole life knowing only one song on the piano if you know just when to play it.
45. Retirement (aka 'lawn care') might keep you so busy that you'll need vacations just to relax.
46. The only insult that should ever be uttered in road rage is, "Good manuever, Gadoover!"
47. Screwdrivers should have names (beyond just 'flathead' or 'phillips' there's always 'Bertha')
48. So should cars.
49. Driving ten miles out of your way to save two cents on gas makes sense.
50. Cheetos are nutritious.
51. You can marry your best friend twice in your lifetime.
52. God answers prayers, just not always on your timeline. (All those years you prayed for a son...)
53. Being a wedding video-ographer is harder than it seems. (Glad you kept your day job!)
54. It is possible to put three kids through college (and braces and extra-curricular activities...) and still retire in style without being the CEO of anything. (I keep praying this holds true!)
55. If it swims, it's not an option for dinner.
56. Loving your children equally doesn't mean loving them the same way.
57. Sometimes a hug is the best thing to say.
58. If you can make tomato soup, you can cook. (I still can't make it though...)
59. Just because it's called a 'garage' doesn't mean it shouldn't be as spotless as the kitchen.
60. Olive Garden only makes lasagna.
61. It only gets better after 60. Happy 61st, Dad!! I love you!
Comments
And cats rock, not more than dogs, mind you, but they still rock.
Jules
#49--so true!
Your dad sounds like a stand-up guy.