What I learned at my first NASCAR race (at Dover International Speedway):
1. It is possible for the planning, buying, paying, mapping, packing, dressing, driving, shuttling, schlepping, and finally sitting to be managed by one adult without losing the keys, the kid or my sanity.
2. Tickets in Row 2 of Turn 4 sound awesome when you’re making the purchase. In reality, being that close to a track with high banking means you won’t actually see anything that happens directly in front of you.
3. Sunblock with spf 45 is mandatory for such an event in order to repel the ferocious UV rays of the sun. The sunblock will, however, also serve as a magnet for every little speck of rubber that flies off the track and will be super-absorbent for the sandy jet-dry they spread on the track to soak up an oil spill.
4. All of the above plus the fragrant odor of fuel and exhaust makes you so sexy you wonder how you left the speedway without being asked for your number once.
5. Sunblock is not used by the majority of race fans who are sunburnt beyond words by the halfway point in the race and too drunk to care by the end.
6. The fly over will give you goosebumps for days.
7. So will the singing of the Star Spangled Banner.
8. So will the roar of 43 race cars flying past you at 150+ miles per hour.
9. As will the feeling of a crowd of 100,000 spectators shouting “Amen!” after the invocation.
10. The person with the lowest tolerance for alcohol and the least amount of interest in the race will sit/stand directly in front of you for the duration.
11. This person will also be attractive enough to solicit lots of attention from perfect strangers who have to stop and join in her antics, thereby blocking your view of the track even further.
12. Despite packing sandwiches, yogurt, jello, pudding, string cheese, peppermint patties, pretzels and other assorted expander-friendly snacks, The Child will still wonder aloud half-way through the race, “What’s for dinner?”
13. Being a non-smoker and a non-beer drinker, you will end up being surrounded by chain smokers and beer drinkers who spill their beer on you not once, not twice but three times during the 400 laps.
14. The number one sponsor for NASCAR, the one so huge they named the Championship after them will NOT use their marketing genius to have trailer in yellow and black with the NEXTEL logo or word upon it making it easy to spot in the crowd of otherwise branded trailers selling merchandise (in order to pick up the much spoken about “Fan View” scanner), but will instead have a small trailer with a blue and white awning labeled “Track Scan”.
15. When you rent two headsets and a scanner the gentleman at the counter will hand you a pamphlet with instructions but will tell you not to bother reading it, just have your child explain it to you.
16. In the last ten laps of the race, when your favorite driver is making his move from third to second to first, large, drunk men will stand at the fence in front of you, completely oblivious to the race but blocking your view nonetheless.
17. Large, drunk men seem to think it is proper etiquette to show off their extended beer bellies to the crowd by not wearing their shirts for the entire race.
18. These same large, drunk men will also announce loudly “hot tits!” whenever a well-endowed woman should happen to walk by.
19. 99% of the women who are wearing bikini tops or mini-skirts at a NASCAR race, shouldn’t.
20. Despite all the above and perhaps because of it, when the competition struggles and your driver stays in contention for the duration of the race, finally taking over the lead for good in the final laps and securing a victory at Dover and first place in the Championship points race, it will all make for a day you and your son won’t soon forget. For all the right reasons.
2. Tickets in Row 2 of Turn 4 sound awesome when you’re making the purchase. In reality, being that close to a track with high banking means you won’t actually see anything that happens directly in front of you.
3. Sunblock with spf 45 is mandatory for such an event in order to repel the ferocious UV rays of the sun. The sunblock will, however, also serve as a magnet for every little speck of rubber that flies off the track and will be super-absorbent for the sandy jet-dry they spread on the track to soak up an oil spill.
4. All of the above plus the fragrant odor of fuel and exhaust makes you so sexy you wonder how you left the speedway without being asked for your number once.
5. Sunblock is not used by the majority of race fans who are sunburnt beyond words by the halfway point in the race and too drunk to care by the end.
6. The fly over will give you goosebumps for days.
7. So will the singing of the Star Spangled Banner.
8. So will the roar of 43 race cars flying past you at 150+ miles per hour.
9. As will the feeling of a crowd of 100,000 spectators shouting “Amen!” after the invocation.
10. The person with the lowest tolerance for alcohol and the least amount of interest in the race will sit/stand directly in front of you for the duration.
11. This person will also be attractive enough to solicit lots of attention from perfect strangers who have to stop and join in her antics, thereby blocking your view of the track even further.
12. Despite packing sandwiches, yogurt, jello, pudding, string cheese, peppermint patties, pretzels and other assorted expander-friendly snacks, The Child will still wonder aloud half-way through the race, “What’s for dinner?”
13. Being a non-smoker and a non-beer drinker, you will end up being surrounded by chain smokers and beer drinkers who spill their beer on you not once, not twice but three times during the 400 laps.
14. The number one sponsor for NASCAR, the one so huge they named the Championship after them will NOT use their marketing genius to have trailer in yellow and black with the NEXTEL logo or word upon it making it easy to spot in the crowd of otherwise branded trailers selling merchandise (in order to pick up the much spoken about “Fan View” scanner), but will instead have a small trailer with a blue and white awning labeled “Track Scan”.
15. When you rent two headsets and a scanner the gentleman at the counter will hand you a pamphlet with instructions but will tell you not to bother reading it, just have your child explain it to you.
16. In the last ten laps of the race, when your favorite driver is making his move from third to second to first, large, drunk men will stand at the fence in front of you, completely oblivious to the race but blocking your view nonetheless.
17. Large, drunk men seem to think it is proper etiquette to show off their extended beer bellies to the crowd by not wearing their shirts for the entire race.
18. These same large, drunk men will also announce loudly “hot tits!” whenever a well-endowed woman should happen to walk by.
19. 99% of the women who are wearing bikini tops or mini-skirts at a NASCAR race, shouldn’t.
20. Despite all the above and perhaps because of it, when the competition struggles and your driver stays in contention for the duration of the race, finally taking over the lead for good in the final laps and securing a victory at Dover and first place in the Championship points race, it will all make for a day you and your son won’t soon forget. For all the right reasons.
Congratulations Matt Kenseth #17!!
Comments
Also, who ever heard of a public venue where you could bring your own beer and smoke? It's wacky isn't it?