Just Not Feeling the Love

I am in such a sour mood today. I just honestly do not want to be the grown-up right now. I do not want to be at work today. I hate that because of LM’s troubles at school and an ortho appointment last week, I have to work four extra hours this week. I hate that I had to wash the dog, the car and the carpets this weekend. That it costs me more to hand-wash the car than it does to run it through the automatic because I don’t have a “system” for it. I hate that having done all three, Gabe chose to roll in the dirt at the bark park nullifying all efforts. I hate that as much as I love the bark park and how much it helps our leash-issues, I seem to only meet married couples there. I hate that while trying to get the dirt off of Gabe before getting in the car, he took off after a husky and ripped half of my thumb nail nearly off. I hate that it is all black and gross looking and still hurts today. I hate that I spent half a day on Saturday testing out vacuum cleaners and I still don’t know if I should have spent the extra money to ensure the ultimate in sucking-power or not. I hate that I had to put new tires on my car – that always feels like money that went nowhere. I hate that out of all the fun LM had at his birthday party and all the giggles and laughs that came from the three boys during the evening that what I noticed most was how bossy my son can be. I hate that due to circumstances with my ex husband I have obsessed in my own mind the last two days about a comment one of the boys made to LM, referring to his hug as “gay”. I hate that I even have to give that a single thought. I hate that I think about it for LM’s sake. I hate that in an effort to have a birthday cake that my son would actually enjoy (he hates regular icing) I bought him a $25 ice cream cake from Cold Stone Creamery with his favorite flavor of ice cream and he decided he really doesn’t like that either. I hate that my neighbor’s alarm went off at 4:30 on Sunday morning and woke me up. I hate that I woke up this morning to her school-day yells to get her son out of bed. I hate that after getting the second ortho opinion requested by my ex husband he is absolutely void of opinion on how to proceed and is offering little help deciding the best option. I hate that after working hard to lose ten pounds I gained five back by eating two pieces of pizza and one piece of birthday cake this weekend. I hate that I’m going to have to transfer money out of savings to balance the checkbook this week. I hate that as a nation we seem to be more interested in what Tom Cruise is up to than what is going on in Iraq.

I’ll try to feel the love tomorrow.