Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Leavin' the Light On

Two cats, one dog and no one was suspicious.

I had the TV on (What?! I know, I don't normally ever watch TV, but Flash is gone and it's just too darn quiet in the house!) or I would have noticed the sound sooner. It finally got to where I had to mute the TV as it just sounded far too close by to be a neighbor, but I couldn't place the sound. It's one of those slow-motion moments in your life, when you mute the TV, turn your head thinking the sound is coming from outside the window and's coming from....the lamp.

I have an upright lamp in the corner of my living room and it didn't take but one super-slow-mo-moment to realize there was a CREATURE in the lamp. Yeah. One split-second view of feet in a shadow and I very quickly realized this wasn't a bug.

The lamp was off, I rarely even use it. And now there's a creature. And the creature is trying to escape.

I thought over my options. 1) cover the lamp. Let the thing die and then deal with it. Sounded like a great idea to me. Dead creatures in the house are much better for me to deal with than live ones. 2) take the lamp outside. Great idea, but what if jostling the lamp causes the creature to secure its footing and it JUMPS OUT AT ME. Yeah, #2 was not really an option. 3) get someone else to take the lamp outside. Ahhh, great idea!

I called Jules. I swear it's moments like these that should make her appreciate her husband. I think all it does is provide her with fodder for years. In between offering me bits of advice (none of which did I especially like - especially the "get-close-enough-to-put-a-pillowcase-over-the-lamp idea) I swear I could hear her laughing at me. I finally said I was going to find someone to come save me. While Jules would love to be helpful (read that: she'd love to volunteer Bear to save me) she lives 30 minutes from me.

I called six friends from church. NO ONE WAS HOME.

I saw a neighbor out in their lawn. I shut Eli in Flash's room and headed out to my neighbor's.

Me to neighbor I've never met: "Hi! Um, can I ask a favor?"

Neighbor: "Um, sure?"

Me: "Um, yeah. See, I have some sort of a critter in an upright lamp in my living room, and I'm really kind of freaked out by the whole thing. Could you come help me remove it?"

Now, I have to interject how unfair this really was of me. Guy standing innocently standing in his lawn with his wife and I walk up and put him in a spot where to say no means we're all going to think you're a wuss. He comes over. At this point, I've put the pizza board over the lamp (if I had returned to find the creature OUT of the lamp, I would have had to sell my house and move that instant). He picks up the lamp, holds the board in place and carries it to the front lawn for me. (I was courteous enough to hold the cord and open the door as well as to warn the man that if for some reason the creature escaped, I would let out a blood-curdling scream. Just so he was aware.)

The MOMENT the lamp is out in the daylight it's very easy to see this winged creature trying to claw its way out of my lamp. "It's a bat!" I yelp. I know, Captian Obvious Award goes to me, but seriously, this confirmation is NOT reassuring. While clearly remarkably unlikely, a frog I could deal with. A bat? NO NO NO NO NO.

We set the lamp on the lawn and he goes to get something to fetch the bat out with (I really don't think this part amused him at all. But he did put on his brave face and make an attempt to be my temporary hero). I am struck by a huge pang of guilt. I have had all the shots for rabies. If anyone should be reaching into a light to get a stupid wayward bat, it should be me. If this 2eighbor gets bitten by the bat, I will never forgive myself. However, while he was next door fetching his bat-removal gear, the bat climbed up and flew out and I did, very nearly scream. But I can deal with bats outside. It's flying things INside that I

I profusely thanked my neighbor and willl be baking cookies tomorrow to further express my extreme gratitude. I called Jules and told her the creature issue was resolved. George was disappointed that he didn't get to come see it. I said he could move in until Flash got back home. She did her best to convince me it was a fluke, but I have to admit, she wasn't all that convincing.

Just to be safe, I think I'll sleep with a light on. That is, after I get done revising my wish-list for a husband. Item #417: must deal with all rodents. God-speed, wherever you are husband o' mine, God-speed.


Jennifer said...

I found a dead fruit bat on our front porch the other day and was freaked out - and IT.WAS.DEAD.AND.OUTSIDE!!! I think I probably would have fainted had I found one inside, and dare I say gotten a hotel room when I came too....

stacy said...

no pictures?! rats. (or should i say bats?! lol.)