Nine
I forgot today. I really did. Even in the midst of the tears it took me awhile to remember it. He seemed far more emotional than was warranted for the events he was telling me about. Until I remembered. Fourth grade is hard. It really is. I don’t mean that sarcastically, I know it’s hard to tell in typed words. Here I sat, with LM sobbing and sobbing because we had an altercation and he was just crying far more than seemed appropriate.
We sat down to talk and he immediately declares the whole day as bad. Not just the evening where we had an issue, but the. whole. day.
They played basketball in gym and his team couldn’t even score one basket. LM is the furthest thing from an athletic child. He has no interest in it, and so very little ability follows. But here he was upset at his whole team not being able to put together ONE shot at the basket that would go in. I kept saying, “it’s only a game, honey, it’s only PE” he kept saying, “I know, Mom, I kept telling myself that…” but still he sobbed.
I had forgotten how high the hoops are when you are nine. I had forgotten how big the ball is, and how heavy it seems to bounce and pass. The whole game seems awkward when you’re that age, and ‘team work’ is something you hear but nothing anyone knows how to actually do well, not in PE.
And then he had lied to me. Lying is a crime punishable by death or near-death-torture in my house. Okay, no, not really, but he KNOWS I have huge issues with it, mainly because he is allowed to be home for bits of time alone and such things and I HAVE to be able to trust him. He truly is a great kid, a very moral child, but every once in awhile, he feels the need to lie. His lies aren’t even manipulative. He doesn’t tell me he lost his lunch money so I give him more and he actually buys comic books with the cash. His lies are more along the “I already practiced trumpet, did my homework and vacuumed the stairs, can I read?” when in fact, I learned tonight, that neither the trumpet practice nor the chore had actually been done. All he wanted to do was read.
It’s hard (and I mean HARD) to punish a child for reading, believe me. But Jacob reads for hours a day. It is not as if he never has time, or isn’t allowed, or never has new books. When we talked later, we established that having done the things he was supposed to do, he would have had nearly 4 hours to read tonight and almost any night if he so chooses.
But it’s hard to be nine. It’s hard to go practice your trumpet or vacuum the stairs when there’s a new Star Wars book that you’ve gotten half way into and it’s just begging to be finished. It really is a hard choice.
I had forgotten how hard those things can be.
Privileges were revoked, stern words were said, conversations were held, hugs were given, kisses and “I love you’s” exchanged and a compromise reached to salvage the privilege of Movie Night this week.
Being single, I sometimes forget that just because I’m the only adult in the house, it doesn’t mean I’m the only one who has had a bad day. LM is an easy going, laid back, great kid. He doesn’t get riled up often. Today was a very bad, no good, rotten to the core day. I hope I remember it for a long while to come so that I might always give him the same latitude I would want afforded to me on my very bad days. It doesn’t make it okay to lie, but it certainly helps to remember how small things can trigger a lot when the world has piled it on. Even in fourth grade.
Tomorrow will surely be better, if for no other reason than it's not a PE day, it's an Art day. That might make all the difference.
We sat down to talk and he immediately declares the whole day as bad. Not just the evening where we had an issue, but the. whole. day.
They played basketball in gym and his team couldn’t even score one basket. LM is the furthest thing from an athletic child. He has no interest in it, and so very little ability follows. But here he was upset at his whole team not being able to put together ONE shot at the basket that would go in. I kept saying, “it’s only a game, honey, it’s only PE” he kept saying, “I know, Mom, I kept telling myself that…” but still he sobbed.
I had forgotten how high the hoops are when you are nine. I had forgotten how big the ball is, and how heavy it seems to bounce and pass. The whole game seems awkward when you’re that age, and ‘team work’ is something you hear but nothing anyone knows how to actually do well, not in PE.
And then he had lied to me. Lying is a crime punishable by death or near-death-torture in my house. Okay, no, not really, but he KNOWS I have huge issues with it, mainly because he is allowed to be home for bits of time alone and such things and I HAVE to be able to trust him. He truly is a great kid, a very moral child, but every once in awhile, he feels the need to lie. His lies aren’t even manipulative. He doesn’t tell me he lost his lunch money so I give him more and he actually buys comic books with the cash. His lies are more along the “I already practiced trumpet, did my homework and vacuumed the stairs, can I read?” when in fact, I learned tonight, that neither the trumpet practice nor the chore had actually been done. All he wanted to do was read.
It’s hard (and I mean HARD) to punish a child for reading, believe me. But Jacob reads for hours a day. It is not as if he never has time, or isn’t allowed, or never has new books. When we talked later, we established that having done the things he was supposed to do, he would have had nearly 4 hours to read tonight and almost any night if he so chooses.
But it’s hard to be nine. It’s hard to go practice your trumpet or vacuum the stairs when there’s a new Star Wars book that you’ve gotten half way into and it’s just begging to be finished. It really is a hard choice.
I had forgotten how hard those things can be.
Privileges were revoked, stern words were said, conversations were held, hugs were given, kisses and “I love you’s” exchanged and a compromise reached to salvage the privilege of Movie Night this week.
Being single, I sometimes forget that just because I’m the only adult in the house, it doesn’t mean I’m the only one who has had a bad day. LM is an easy going, laid back, great kid. He doesn’t get riled up often. Today was a very bad, no good, rotten to the core day. I hope I remember it for a long while to come so that I might always give him the same latitude I would want afforded to me on my very bad days. It doesn’t make it okay to lie, but it certainly helps to remember how small things can trigger a lot when the world has piled it on. Even in fourth grade.
Tomorrow will surely be better, if for no other reason than it's not a PE day, it's an Art day. That might make all the difference.
Comments